Tag Archives: patriarchal naming convention

The Politics of Taking, Keeping or Bestowing Your Name

A piece on Yahoo, “Hyphenated married name fight heats up on Facebook” by Janelle Harris for CafeMom’s blog The Stir, caught my partner Sally’s attention. The piece invokes feminist principles including calling out patriarchy as the problem, but the political act that the author is marshaling her arguments for is in my world view a pretty tepid one, though in the author’s it may seem pretty radical. The other aspect of this piece that caught Sally’s attention were the 2000 plus comments at the time (now more than 3100) that in engendered, with a wide spectrum of opinions.

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A Boy Named Sue?

Me in my home office
Me in my home office
After much discussion and thought, my partner Sally and I decided to give our kids her last name rather than mine. We had pragmatic reasons for doing it, and we knew full well that we were breaking with patriarchal tradition, but we were caught by surprise by the consternation of my feminist mom.

When Sally was pregnant for the first time, we made every effort not to find out the gender of the baby until after s/he was born. Following the Jewish tradition of Sally’s family, we decided to pick a first name with the first letter of the person no longer alive that we wanted to honor. In this circumstance we decided that that person would by my father, Eric Zale, who had died in 1984, just after Sally and I married and two years before Eric’s first grandchild would be born. Continue reading →