Category Archives: Respect

Training Kids to Play?

I just read a Wall Street Journal article titled “Playing Nice: Teachers Learn to Help Kids Behave in School” which I find very disturbing. I feel it is one of those cases where the adults developing and implementing the programs highlighted in the article probably mean well, but in my mind as a parent, who believes strongly that a kid best understands and can best manage the direction and pace of their own development, and should be able to “play” without being carefully supervised and instructed by an adult. Continue reading →

Saying Goodbye to Sledge

Sledge & baby Emma
Sledge & baby Emma
Cats, unfortunately, do not live as long as most of us humans do. So if you are a family that has cats, odds are you will experience the death of one. For my kids, it was a memorable experience, but first some context…

I grew up with cats in the house. In 1965, when I was ten we got our first one, a big black un-fixed male we called “Midnight”. He would go out for days and come back with part of his ear chewed off and an oozing wound just below that ear. Since he was big and powerful he probably gave worse than he got to the other cat. But he was still our kitty and we were his human companions.

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A Kid’s First Dress

Emma (right) in her first dress
Emma (right) in her first dress
After never being dressed in skirts, dresses, bows or other frills, our daughter Emma finally got old enough to request to wear the traditional female gear. I recall she was four when she asked her mom, “Can I wear one of those things that you wear that is open on the bottom?”

Our daughter’s mom and I are hardcore feminists, and we were both very passionate that a person should not be stereotyped based on their gender. The practical applications of this principle, when it came to our kids (male and female), was that we were not going to dress them in any gender-typed clothing. The basic rule of thumb we adopted was that the clothing, to be acceptable, had to be both good for the goose and good for the gander. Continue reading →

My Feminist Aunts

Mary Jane (left...always...*g*) looking her most conventional at Sally & my wedding in 1983
Mary Jane (left...always...*g*) looking her most conventional at Sally & my wedding in 1983
When I was ten my parents got divorced, my mom got involved in politics and the women’s movement, and in the process made new female friends, several of which became close and long-term to the point of becoming a sort of non-genetic extended family. This was particularly important for me, because I was soon plunged into puberty and adolescence, and these women became important role-models and mentors for me – like a preacher, rabbi, guru, teacher, etc. – might be to someone else. Continue reading →

Crying at the Curb

Eric's Middle School
Eric's Middle School
My mom had always said that, “Kids will tell you what they need”. That was her way of saying she respected a young person’s ability to know what was best for them. But when our pre-teen son started telling us with his behavior that his middle school was not what he needed, we were not listening, and that failure led to what I recall as the darkest period of my parenting experience. Continue reading →

Children & Youth

Childish BehaviorOne thing you will probably notice in my prose (including the language I use throughout this blog) is my minimal use of the words “child” and “children” while substituting for both with words like “youth” or “young people” or the more colloquial “kids”. I have become more and more uncomfortable with the “C Word” since its varying forms are often used to describe immature or unmediated behavior, dependence, or otherwise convey a derogatory context. Whenever you hear, “You are behaving like a child!” or a description of “childish behavior”, you can bet there is a criticism involved. Continue reading →