It was May and it was spring, and there was less than a month left of school. I could feel summer wanting to start, I could feel other kids wanted it too. I SO wanted it to start, I was SO sick of school.

I mean Mrs Herman was all right as teachers go. She talked to us like we were regular people, not like we were grownups OR little kids. Like we were older kids, which we were. But even though she was definitely in charge of what we were learning every day, she didn’t try to make us like it or be quiet in class all the time. It was like it was her job to teach and our job to learn, so we all just had to do our jobs. Some of what we learned was interesting and some wasn’t, but we just had to learn it all.

And when school WAS done next month, we wouldn’t just be done with sixth grade, We’d be done with ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Arthur’s and Frankie’s older brothers, and Gil’s older sister, were all going to Tappan, and said that junior high was VERY DIFFERENT. You didn’t just have one class with one teacher, but seven or eight different classes with different teachers and different kids in each one. I just wanted to be done with school for THIS year and have my regular summer, getting to play a whole season of Little League, unlike last summer when I broke my collar bone after the first time I batted in the first game, and missed the rest of the season.

Even though there were other kids in my grade that I thought were way cooler than I was, specially Mike, but also Andy, Arthur, Cal, Todd, Stuart and Frankie, most of them thought I was becoming a pretty cool kid too. I was the only kid among all my friends who was in ALL THREE of their secret groups, Y.A.C.C.O., B.P.O.U.N.D. and G.R.A.P.E., though I was only a “junior partner” in G.R.A.P.E. because I didn’t live on Granger Street or even “Secret Granger Street”, that Cal lived on. I mean I was in all three groups because they all thought I was spying on the OTHER groups, but I was becoming that one kid in sixth grade that kind of hooked everyone else together, at least all the boys in the secret groups.

And kind of some of the main girls too, since I was also in charge of spying on THEM, well mainly Myrna, Abby and Beth, who would meet a lot at Abby’s house which was across the street from our house on Martin Place. A lot of the other boys in our secret groups thought the girls had a secret group too, but one that was SO SECRET, that we didn’t even know if it existed. I did spy on those three girls when they sat out on the back patio of Abby’s house and talked about stuff. I’d hide in the bushes in the alley behind her house, where I could hear them but they couldn’t see me. I even “recruited” Abby’s younger brother, Steve, to spy on Abby and her friends when they were doing stuff up in her room and then tell me about it.

The three girls talked about school a lot and what books they had read and what SRA color they were up to. Sometimes they, mainly Myrna, would even talk about the boys in our grade. How “stupid” and “full of himself” Billy was. How “obnoxious” and “loud” Frankie was. How “weird” Duncan and Martin were. How “nice” Mike and Teddy were. One time Steve said Abby even talked about me and said I was “smart”.

I would definitely “report” to all three of the secret groups about all that, except for the part about me being smart. Telling other kids that someone said you were smart I figured was being full of yourself, and telling boys that a girl said you were smart would just make most of them tease you about her liking you and wanting to be your girlfriend.

Both Billy and Frankie even thought it was cool that Myrna didn’t like them, because they thought, Billy said “knew”, that she was “evil”. “Like SPECTRE Number One evil”, Billy said. But even though Frankie was okay with Myrna not liking him, I don’t think he liked that she thought he was loud and obnoxious. I also thought sometimes he was loud and obnoxious, but he was fun too and made me laugh.

Sometimes Abby and Beth would say stuff too about the boys being stupid, but I kind of liked Abby and Beth, so I would blame everything on “evil Myrna”. I didn’t REALLY think Myrna was evil, she just liked being in charge of the girls. I just called her that because some of the other boys who called her that liked it when I did too.

Mike wasn’t in any of our secret groups, not even Andy’s B.P.O.U.N.D. group that Arthur was also in. Mike thought the groups were “silly”, which was pretty much as bad as saying they were stupid. I’d talk to him pretty much every morning before class, and every lunchtime before afternoon class, out on the soccer field as we held off the “hoard” of fourth and fifth graders on the other team. He would tell me about the stuff going on against the Vietnam war, the big anti-war demonstration in front of the White House, and in New York City, how important it was that Martin Luther King had made his first public speech against the War.

I usually didn’t play soccer at all at lunchtime on Monday and Wednesday, because dad was still taking us to the Food and Drug for lunch. I still hadn’t told my friends that mom and dad were divorced. Mike had known since December but he hadn’t told anybody, and he never asked me about it. I think Abby might know too, because mom talked with Abby’s mom alot and I figured probably told her, but Abby hadn’t said anything about it to me either. And maybe Stuart had figured it out too. My teacher, Mrs Herman, she knew, because mom had told her, but Mrs Herman had talked to me about it that one day at school and told me she wouldn’t tell anyone else. Mom’s new friend Maryjane knew, and her kids, Zeke and Gordon did too. Sometimes they would talk about it with David when they came over with their mom and hung out with David to talk about comic books and drawing.

But last Wednesday when dad took us to lunch, he told us he was moving to a new apartment on Henry street by the A and P, living with two different graduate student guys. Just like mom, he seemed like he was still pretty sad too, though he was happy about his new job at the new “Language Learning Center”, because though he wasn’t teaching as much, which he really liked to do, he was making more money, so he could give mom more money for us. David kept asking when he was going to come back to live with us again and he’d look sad, look down at the food counter and say that he hoped it would be “someday soon”, though it didn’t seem to me like he thought that it really would be. When we saw dad I never wanted to talk about the divorce, because I just liked pretending, at least while we ate lunch, that everything was like it used to be and mom and dad were still married.

Mom was still spending lots of time in her room watching those gameshows and soap operas on TV during the day. But now that it was spring and all the plants were growing again, she would go out in the front yard and prune and weed, and plant pachysandra “cuttings” she’d been growing in the kitchen all winter, and make more cuttings from the plants that were already out there.

She’d go to the A and P once a week to buy groceries, and bring home stuff we could make for breakfast and lunch by ourselves. She would still make us dinner most of the time, except when she didn’t feel like it, and then maybe she’d order a pizza from Dominos. But now, even though she made dinner, sometimes she wouldn’t eat with us at the round table in the living room, and take her plate of food up to her room and eat on her bed. It seemed like she did most everything she could on her bed – eat, watch TV, pay bills, read books and magazines, draw, talk on the telephone, talk to us, and of course sleep. Sometimes she’d even put a painting she was working on on her bed to paint it more.

And sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night and hear her talking on the phone with dad, being mad at him, or crying and saying stuff like “I can’t go on living like this” and “my life is over”. And then I think sometimes he would ask her to let him come back and live with us, because she would say stuff like “there’s no way I can ever trust you again, Eric”. Sometimes she’d just call him a “fucking bastard” and you’d hear her bang the phone down and she’d start quietly crying until she got really quiet and I guess fell asleep.

***

So when I went home for lunch from school today, the mail had just come and there was one of those manilla envelopes addressed to me. I took all the other mail up to mom in her bedroom.

She was watching that new game show “Hollywood Squares”. I had actually sat and watched it a few times, and it was kind of funny, specially that “Paul” guy in the middle. I mean it was like tic-tac-toe, which was a pretty stupid game, because if you knew how to play it the other player could never win. And if THEY knew how to play it too, NOBODY could win. But in this show, you had to decide whether the “celebrity”, which was like someone in movies or on a TV show, was telling you the real answer or making up a wrong answer. Mom thought that Paul guy in the middle square was really funny too.

She saw me with the stack of mail. “Oh, good”, she said, but not sounding happy, “More bills! Just toss them on the bed.” Before she and dad got divorced, when she was still more happy, she might have said “toss them on the bed, Coolie”, or one of my other nicknames. But now she would just say to do stuff, not even use my regular name.

I ran back downstairs to open my thing in the manilla envelope. It was the box of pencils I’d ordered with the words “Myrna loves Martin” along the side of each one.

So I was still worried that my friends would find out, or figure out somehow, that mom and dad were divorced, and even worse, that they got divorced because dad had had sex with another woman. Then they’d think we were weird and one of those “broken” families, and think I was a weird kid, and wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. So I was always thinking about new ways to make my friends think I was really cool, because if I was, then there was no way they’d think mom and dad were divorced or my family was broken. I mean I thought we WERE broken, but I didn’t want anyone ELSE thinking that.

So a couple weeks ago I was reading a Batman comic and there was this ad on the back page where you could send in some money and your address and they would “emboss” a few words you wanted on the side of a dozen pencils. I figured it would be neat if I could come up with words to put on some pencils that would really get Myrna. My friends would think that was REALLY COOL!

I had to think up something that would make Myrna really mad, so I thought they should say, “Myrna loves Martin”, because Martin was the weirdest kid in the class. I guess I wasn’t thinking about Martin, just what I thought Myrna would hate so my friends would like . It cost $1.99, and I only had one dollar in the cigar box where I kept my money. So I had to wait until mom gave me my one dollar allowance for the week. I thought about whether I had to get change for the dollar so I could put in exactly 99 cents, but I figured it was easier to just put in another dollar, they wouldn’t mind getting an extra penny. I got a stamp from mom and she didn’t even ask me what I was using it for.

So now that I had the special pencils, I figured I’d show them to my friends, at least the friends I thought would really like them. I saw Billy in the park Saturday morning and told him about the pencils, and he really wanted to see one. So I ran home, got one, and brought it back to show him. He thought it was so cool that he asked me if he could have one. I wasn’t sure I should give it to him, but he begged me, so I did. Then I decided to take the whole box of pencils over to our secret Y.A.C.C.O. meeting later that morning and show them to Frankie and Stuart. Frankie REALLY liked them.

“Coop”, he said, “You’re a genius.” That was the kind of stuff I liked to hear. Mom always said I was “bright”, but she was just a mom, and I think moms always thought their kids were great. But to have my friends say I was a “genius”, now that was a lot better.

“We need to secretly give one of these pencils to each one of the girls that’s friends with Myrna”, Frankie said, “But how do we do it so they don’t know it’s us that are doing it?”

“We could put one in each of their desks when nobody else is in the classrooms”, Stuart said.

“Won’t work”, said Frankie, “How do we get in the classrooms when Mrs Herman and Miss Hubbel and none of the other kids are there? And even if we figured out how and when to do it, the teachers would probably figure out it was some of the boys in class and track it down to us.”

“Hmm”, said Stuart, wrinkling his nose. I could tell that they thought this was perfect secret agent type stuff to try to figure out at a Y.A.C.C.O. meeting, which stood for “Young Agents of Chaos and Craziness Organization”.

“What if”, I said, “We sneak up to each girl’s house and we put one of the pencils in their mailbox.”

“That’s brilliant”, said Stuart, “Maybe their parents will see it there first, notice Myrna’s name, and ask their daughter, who’s Myrna’s friend, what this is all about. It will cause ‘chaos and craziness’ among Myrna and all her friends, which is what this organization was set up to do.” So Frankie thought I was a “genius” and Stuart that I was “brilliant”. Pretty good for a two buck box of pencils!

“So”, said Frankie, “We’ll make a list of all Myrna’s friends, figure out where each of them lives, and then head out under the cover of darkness.” So we made a list of eight girls in Mrs Herman’s or Miss Hubbel’s class that we knew the names of, that were friends with Myrna, which included Beth and Abby. Then we had to decide whether to put one in Myrna too.

“Hmm”, said Stuart, thinking, “Would it be better if she got one too, or if she didn’t, but all her friends did?” He looked at me. “What do you think, Coop?”

I wanted to have another brilliant genius idea, but I couldn’t think of anything, and I started to worry about what was going to happen, and if we’d get caught somehow, but I didn’t tell THEM that.

“I’m good with either strategy”, I said, figuring I’d use that grownup word that they used in all my wargame rules to sound smart and cool, if not more of brilliant genius stuff.

“I say we give her one”, Frankie said, “You know, ‘take this evil queen!’”

“Sounds like a line from a Doctor Strange comic”, said Stuart.

“I know”, said Frankie, looking super proud of himself, maybe super FULL of himself too.

So we made the list but then weren’t sure where everybody lived. I suggested that we look their last names up in the phonebook, and if the address was near our school, it was probably them. Again, both Frankie and Stuart thought that was “brilliant”, and between the girls who we already knew where they lived and the ones we found in the phonebook, we had addresses for eight of the nine.

So the next question was when. We figured it would be best to do all of them at the same time rather than different houses on different days, because the first girls that got them might tell Myrna and the rest of her friends and then they might all be on the lookout. Though Frankie had thought maybe nighttime, we decided we should do them all Sunday morning, because people might sleep in or maybe even go to church and not be home.

“Do either of your families go to church on Sunday?” Stuart asked us. We both shook our heads. “Ours doesn’t either”, he said, “But maybe some of the girls’ families do.”

Then we had to decide whether to do them all together or separately.

“If we do them all together it’ll be more fun”, said Frankie, “But of course it will take longer.”

“And if we do them all together”, Stuart said, “Someone might be more likely to notice us.”

“True”, said Frankie, “And we should all dress up so we don’t look like ourselves. Wear stuff that we don’t usually wear. You know, wear sunglasses and different kinds of hats, like one of your dad’s hats. So even if people see us they won’t know it’s us.” Dad had some hats he wore that maybe I could have used, but they weren’t at our house anymore. I’d have to borrow one from him, and he’d probably ask me why I wanted to borrow it.

“Maybe we should divide the girls up”, said Stuart, “It would be super quick. Two of us would have to do three and one of us just two. Then we could meet back here after we were done.”

“That sounds good”, said Frankie, “But we should still dress up so we’re disguised.” Then he looked at me and asked, “What do you think, Coop?” I figured I should make a decision too, if I was going to be a “brilliant genius”.

“Yeah”, I said, “Makes sense to me. We’ll each do two or three on our own then meet up at your place.”

“Agreed”, said Frankie, using that word that grownups used in books, and comics and TV shows when they were planning stuff.

“Agreed”, said Stuart. And we all smiled at each other like this whole thing was super cool, and we were all brilliant geniuses, and of course young agents of chaos and craziness.

So I got the three girls closest to my house. Abby of course, because she lived across the street. Josie, who lived on Cambridge just down at the other end of my street. And Julie, who lived over on Ferdon.

Stuart got the girls that lived on the other side of the park from me. Jenny, who lived on Henry near the Food and Drug. Millie, the new girl with the red hair, that lived on Morton. And Beth, who lived on Brooklyn near where Molly used to live.

Frankie only had two, Stella and Myrna herself, but they were the two that lived closest to him, Stella on Michigan and Myrna on Dewey. He said that Myrna would be the hardest one because he had to be super careful there because she was such a “nosy busybody”.

“So remember”, said Frankie, “You can’t look like yourself. You have to be in disguise and wear sunglasses even. Though I guess you should still look like a kid, not like somebody dressed up in a costume, so if any of the girl’s parents see you they won’t think you’re strange.” I nodded, and was already wondering what I could wear, and where I’d get sunglasses.

“Right”, said Stuart, “You should look like a regular kid just not like you. Maybe wear a baseball cap that’s different than one you usually wear. Borrow one from your brother maybe.” I nodded again. Mom did have a Yankees baseball cap that she got because she wanted all the Detroit Tiger fans to know that she was a Yankees fan.

“But make sure you wear sunglasses”, said Stuart. If people can’t see your eyes it’s harder to tell it’s you.” I was thinking hard about that. Mom had sunglasses, but they were bigger, the kind made for women.

Finally I said something, “But if you wear sunglasses you won’t look like a regular kid. Kids don’t wear sunglasses.”

“Hmm”, said Frankie, looking worried and thinking, “I mean I’VE worn sunglasses before.”

“I’ve never seen you”, I said, Stuart shaking his head because he hadn’t either, “I don’t see kids our age wearing sunglasses in the park.”

“I don’t know”, said Frankie, sounding frustrated, “Wear them if you can without looking super weird, okay?”

Then he looked at Stuart and me and smiled. “We all need to be at our sharpest to pull this one off, but it’s going to be SO cool. Myrna is going to be SO mad, I CAN’T WAIT!”

“So is our YACCO meeting adjourned?” asked Stuart. Frankie nodded.

“Adjourned”, he said. Stuart and I started to leave Frankie’s room and go down the stairs to leave his house.

“Wait a minute”, Frankie said, “You didn’t give us our pencils! You should give each of us one extra, just in case.” So I gave three to Frankie and four to Stuart, and Stuart and I left Frankie’s house and walked back towards the park. As we walked I was thinking about our plan and wasn’t sure of the whole thing, though I figured it was too late now, the “plan was in motion”. I would look wimpy if I tried to stop my “brilliant genius” plan now.

***

The next morning was Sunday, and I’d set my clock radio alarm to come on at 6:30 in the morning, way earlier than I usually got up. So early, that David was still in bed, and Midnight, sleeping between his legs, opened an eye to look at me but then closed it again. We were figuring out that now that he was a little bit older, though not a grown cat yet, he liked to roam around the house at night, but when it got light outside, he would come up to our room and sleep with one of us before we woke up because it was extra warm for him.

When I turned off the alarm and sat up in bed, David, who was still under his covers, opened one eye too and looked at me.

“Did you set the alarm for the wrong time?” he asked. I shook my head.

“You never get up this early”, he said, “It’s not even a school day.” There was no way I was going to tell him about the pencils and what Frankie, Stuart and I were doing this morning.

“I just want to get up early”, I said to him, saying my words in a kind of “I’m your older brother, I’ll do whatever I want” way.

“Okay”, he said and rolled over away from me like he was going to try to sleep some more.

Mom had been up late last night and had called dad to yell at him and cry, before she finally got quiet and I guess fell asleep. I could hear the television still on in her room so I figured she was still asleep. I really didn’t know about our pencil plan, but if I didn’t do my part, I was afraid Frankie and Stuart would think I was a chicken.

I had checked last night, and luckily mom’s Yankees cap was in the closet by the front door. Her sunglasses, bigger than any sunglasses I’d seen guys wear, were sitting in a wicker basket on the big rectangular table in the sitting room. I put on her hat and her sunglasses, and looked at myself in the mirror on the wall in the front part of the living room. I thought I looked pretty strange, but I also realized that I was wearing my regular clothes – my blue shorts and my green and yellow striped t-shirt. If Abby saw me outside her house she might recognize my clothes, and figure out that that weird kid with the Yankees cap and the women’s sunglasses was me.

So I quietly walked back up the stairs and peeked in our room. I could hear David snoring, which I figured was good, he’d fallen back asleep. Midnight, curled up on his bed by his feet, raised his head and looked at me, like he was asking, “What are you up to, human?” I looked back at him and tried to have my face say, “None of your damn business, cat!” He shivered, nestled his head back down on the covers against his front paws and closed his eyes.

I walked slowly and quietly into the room and carefully opened our closet door and looked at my clothes in there. I had a white shirt with long sleeves and a collar and gray pants that mom called “slacks”, that I hadn’t worn since “class picture day” at school back in October. I figured if I wore that stuff no one would recognize me, though there was no way I was going to put on my dress-up shoes too. I quietly took down the hangers those two things were on and went out of our bedroom into the study to change clothes so David wouldn’t see me if he woke up again.

I took off my shorts and my sneakers and put on the long pants, and then the long-sleeved shirt. The shirt felt uncomfortably tight in my shoulders and around my chest, which was strange because I didn’t remember it feeling that way back in October. I hung the two hangers in the study closet and hid my shorts in the back of one of the dresser drawers full of sweaters. Now I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I definitely did not look like me, but I also definitely looked pretty stupid.

When I turned to go out of the bathroom David was standing in the bathroom doorway, I hadn’t closed the door.

“What are you doing?” he asked, still sounding sleepy. I had to make something up.

“Oh, yeah”, I said, giving my mind time to think of something, “My friends and I are doing this thing where we’re pretending to be secret agents, so we’re dressing up like we are.” It seemed like that sounded pretty stupid, but it was the best I could do.

“You don’t look like a secret agent”, he said, “Are those mom’s sunglasses?” I nodded.

“Why are you up so early?” he asked.

“I don’t know”, I said, “My crazy friends wanted to start real early, what can you do?” I’d heard grownups say that “what can you do” part before when they didn’t want you to think it was their idea, or that they didn’t really want to but kind of had to.

“Is that her Yankees cap?” he asked. I nodded again.

“Yeah”, I said, then taking a second or two to think, “I’m supposed to be a secret agent from New York.”

“Why New York?” he asked.

“I don’t know”, I said, “That’s just how they wanted me to pretend.”

I looked at David and shook my head and made a silly face and said, “My crazy stupid friends. I tell ya.” That was another thing I’d heard grownups say when they DIDN’T want to tell you what was really going on.

This was the part where I might have told David to not tell mom, but then he probably would have asked why, and I didn’t want to have to make up more stuff. Neither of us was telling mom much these days anyway, unless she asked us first, but hopefully I’d be back home before she even came out of her room so she wouldn’t ask David where I was.

David looked like he couldn’t figure out what was going on and finally shook his head slowly and headed down the hall and down the stairs. I figured I better get out of the house quickly, and get this whole crazy stupid thing done with. I went down the stairs and out the front door with my three special pencils in my back pocket. I could hear David in the kitchen pouring himself a bowl of Cheerios. Best I skip breakfast for now.

I saw Abby’s house across the street, but I figured I shouldn’t just walk over there and do her pencil first. Even though I was disguised and wearing mom’s sunglasses, if she or someone else in her house saw me come out of my house and walk over to hers, they’d figure out it was me. Better to go by her house and do her pencil LAST, coming up Martin Place from Cambridge, where Josie’s house was. I still worried that if she saw me coming out of MY house looking strange like this, that when I walked by her house later to do her pencil she would REMEMBER that this strange kid was actually me. I didn’t see her in her upstairs bedroom window but I still worried she might be looking out, or her mom might be in the kitchen looking out THAT window.

So I decided I better quickly run around the corner the other way onto Wells so no one could see me from her house anymore. I figured I’d do Julie’s house first, up on Ferdon, so I walked up Wells by the park towards Ferdon, which I could just barely see beyond Andy’s house on the corner of Baldwin and Wells. I didn’t see any kids in the park yet, just that grownup coach guy pushing that chalk machine to make the foul lines on the baseball diamond. Farther over I could see what looked like other grownups playing tennis, including one hitting balls against the backboard, hearing that thump after each hit.

As I got closer to Andy’s house, I could see his dad was washing their car with a hose in their driveway, though I didn’t see Andy anywhere. But Andy’s dad knew me, so even though I was in disguise, I was worried he might recognize me, specially if I just walked right by him on the sidewalk in front of their house. So I quickly went across Wells and walked on the grass on the park side of the street. Then when I got to Baldwin I crossed it and went down towards Andy’s house but turned at Wells and walked by his house on the other side of the street. I did my best not to look at Andy’s dad though I was worried he might be looking at me. But luckily he didn’t do anything crazy and call out to me something like, “Is that you, Cooper?” That would be BAD, I wouldn’t know what to say.

When I got up to Ferdon and crossed the street, I wasn’t worried anymore. I knew the number of Julie’s house, but not exactly where it was, but I had figured out how addresses worked. I looked at the address numbers of the houses that I could see and they were just a little bit higher than the number of her house, and I could tell if I went left on Ferdon, the house numbers were getting smaller and I should get to hers, so I walked that way. I didn’t think there was anybody on Ferdon who might recognize me, except of course Julie, but I’d never been to her house, her being a girl, so I don’t think her mom and dad would recognize me, even if I wasn’t disguised, and I hoped that, like me, she didn’t usually get up super early on Sunday mornings.

It WAS kind of neat being up this early. In this case, I would say “neat” instead of “cool” because it was more of a little kid feeling and not a big kid one. It felt like it was going to be a really nice day. There were white puffy clouds in the sky but you couldn’t see the sun yet, even though it wasn’t dark anymore. Everything was really green and I could hear birds and squirrels chirping, squirrels running along the wires way up on the telephone poles and then hopping on to a tree branch. Mom said those wires were their highways to keep away from dogs and cats on the ground that would go after them.

When I got to the address that was Julie’s house, I lucked out. The front of her house had a long stairway that went up from the sidewalk up to a big front porch, but just partway up that stairway was a mailbox on a post, instead of the house having a mail slot in the front door or a mailbox next to the front door. I wouldn’t have to go all the way up on her front porch to put the pencil in there. I looked around and didn’t see anybody except one grownup woman across the street farther up sitting by some plants in her front yard pruning.

Suddenly my whole body shivered with worrying that I might get caught. But I figured the longer I stood there on the sidewalk looking up Julie’s house’s stairway, the more likely that would happen. But also, I figured I shouldn’t RUN up the stairs because if someone WAS watching me that might seem strange to them. As I tried to walk regular up the stairs to the mailbox, I thought of that “Secret Agent Man” song…

With every move he makes
Another chance he takes
Odds are he won’t live to see tomorrow

I opened the front part of the mailbox, put the pencil in, then closed it quickly and stepped back down to the sidewalk and kept walking, heading down toward Washtenaw. As I walked by that woman across the street from me who was pruning in her front yard, she finally noticed me and raised her hand like to say hello. So without really looking back at her, I raised my hand the same way to say hello back, but kept walking. She didn’t try to say anything to me or ask a question so I was super lucky.

So I kept walking down Ferdon til I got to Washtenaw. It was strange to see it with no cars driving on it. I couldn’t remember seeing it that way before. Across the big street on the other side was one of those giant fraternity places, mom and dad called them “frat houses”. It had those big tall pillars in the front like those old-fashioned buildings I had seen in pictures of the Civil War. But I didn’t cross Washtenaw but instead went left across Ferdon and down the sidewalk to the next street, Cambridge. And went left again to walk down that one.

Across Cambridge was that little Triangle place with grass and trees, but not really a park because it didn’t have any playground or sports places like a basketball or tennis court. On the other side of it I could see “The Rock”, which today was painted bright green with black letters on it, but I couldn’t figure out what the letters said from this far away.

I still remembered that time when Molly and I first explored Burns Park together before I moved here, and we walked up to where the Rock was and it was painted white with those “sds” letters and “new left” words in black. And then those college kids drove by down Washtenaw, saw us and cheered and held their fists out the car window up in the air, so Molly and I did too to show them we were on their team. And then that old man got mad at us because he said those college kids in the car were “communists” and we were stupid not to know better. But I think he was just mad because he knew us kids would change everything, and I guess he didn’t want things to change. But things HAD changed. All us kids were getting older and the older kids were starting to protest against the war in Vietnam and stuff like that, all that stuff Mike kept telling me about.

I walked down Cambridge past the triangle part and across Baldwin. Martin Place, my street, was next, and across it just a little farther down on Cambridge was Josie’s house. Again because she was a girl, I had never been there, but mom had pointed it out when we drove by it once, because mom had been to a party there and met Josie’s mom and dad. Mom said Josie’s dad was a professor at U of M who taught “political science”.

As to the pencil part, I could see that her house was going to be a problem. It had a giant front yard, and there was no door on the front part of it, only lots of windows. There was only a door on the SIDE of the house, and I couldn’t tell from across Cambridge if there was a mailbox or mailslot. At least I didn’t see her or any grownups out in her driveway or front yard, and as best I could tell, there wasn’t anyone looking out any of those windows in the front part of the house.

So I crossed Cambridge and walked up the beginning part of her driveway, but still on the sidewalk. I still couldn’t see anyone looking out the front windows. I wasn’t sure how I’d get to that side door without someone inside seeing me, if anybody in her house was even up yet. I thought about what James Bond would do, the way he snuck around Largo’s compound. From where he was hiding, he would quickly run to another spot where he could kind of hide again and then figure out what spot to go to next til he got where he wanted to go.

So I figured if I could get to the corner of the house between the front and the side they probably couldn’t see me there, then I could sneak under the big window on the side of the house to get to the door.

With every move he makes
Another chance he takes

I walked quickly up their driveway to that corner, stopped there and crouched down. I could feel my heart beating in my chest and I was breathing fast. I stayed down low and snuck under the big side window to where there were a couple steps up to the door. I was so happy to see it had a mailslot. I crawled up to the door and pushed the pencil through the mailslot. It made a metal creaking noise and I could hear the pencil rattle as it fell from the slot down to the floor inside. I heard a grownup women’s voice inside say, “What in blazes was that? There’s no mail on Sunday!”

I turned around and ran back down the driveway to the sidewalk and then out across Cambridge without even looking for cars. I kept running down to Martin Place and then up the sidewalk until I figured they couldn’t see me from Josie’s house anymore. I stopped, bent over and breathing hard, my heart pounding even more now, but decided I had to keep running in case they’d come out of their house after me. If they couldn’t catch me they couldn’t prove it was me. As I ran up the street toward Abby’s house and mine, I kept looking behind me down towards Cambridge but I didn’t see anybody. By the time I got up to Scott Alley, closer to my house and Abby’s, I finally relaxed a little. Just one more to do and I’d be DONE, though now I was thinking I should never have suggested and agreed to this stupid plan.

I walked across Scott Alley on Abby’s side of our street, by Vincent’s house, and looked up at my own house to make sure mom or David weren’t in the front yard. Then I finally got up to Abby’s house. They had two steps up to their front door with a little roof part over it, and a black metal mailbox hanging on one of the big posts that held up that roof part. Abby’s bedroom window was right above there and I could see in it just enough to see that she wasn’t looking out the window. I SO wanted to be done, so I quickly walked up to her mailbox, opened it, carefully put the pencil inside and closed it again, and went back out to the sidewalk.

I thought of just running across the street and going into my house to change into my regular clothes, but then I thought if someone was watching me in Abby’s house and saw me put the pencil in the mailbox, and then saw me run across the street and into my house, they would figure out it was me, even though I was disguised. So instead I just walked up to Wells and went to the right down the street away from my house and where someone in Abby’s house couldn’t see me anymore.

I had DONE IT! I felt kind of good that I had, since Frankie and Stuart would still think I was cool, and I guess I’d still think so too. But I also felt worried that someone in one of those three houses might have seen me, specially Josie’s house where I heard that woman in the kitchen, probably Josie’s mom, when I dropped the pencil in the mailslot.

We were planning to meet at Frankie’s when we were done, so I figured I’d just walk over there now, in my disguise stuff. I thought about taking the cap and the sunglasses off, because I knew I looked kind of stupid wearing them, but I didn’t want any of my friends to maybe see me and recognize me, wearing the rest of my disguise, and maybe asking me why I was wearing dress up clothes, Yankees cap and women’s sunglasses.

When I got to Frankie’s house I realized that I usually rang the doorbell and his mom would let me in and tell me that he was upstairs in his room and I’d run up. But now I was in disguise, and I wondered if I SHOULD have gone back to my house first and changed into my regular clothes, because Frankie’s mom might wonder why I was dressed up like this. The window of Frankie’s bedroom upstairs looked out on the side of the house and was open, so I went over there and tried to do a really loud whisper that he might hear up there, which sounded more like a hiss.

“Frankie”, I hissed, “You up there?” There was no reply so I tried a couple more times. Then I heard from one of the open downstairs windows his mom’s voice.

“Can I help you? Are you looking for Frankie?” she asked, “Are you one of his friends? I don’t recognize you in the sunglasses.” I got scared, but then I was glad she didn’t recognize me, and then I nodded my head.

“You know”, she said, “I don’t know where he is. I heard him go out this morning, maybe a half hour ago before his dad and I were even down from our room. He usually doesn’t go out this early on a Sunday morning.”

“Okay, thanks”, I said. Not knowing what else to say, grownups always liked it when kids said thanks.

“Tell me who you are”, she said, “And I’ll tell him you came by.” I figured if I didn’t tell her who I was, she’d think it was really strange and might start asking a bunch of questions and worrying that I might be somebody bad.

“I’m Cooper”, I said, “Just dressed funny.”

“Of course, Cooper”, she said, “I didn’t recognize you. Are you, Frankie and Stuart doing some sort of secret agent thing. I know Frankie has his little club.”

“Yeah”, I said, “We’re just kind of disguised and pretending.”

She laughed through her nose and said, “Well, your sunglasses are so fashionable!”

“Yeah, they’re my mom’s”, I said, “Anyway I’ll just go and figure out where he is.”

“Okay”, she said, “If you see him, tell him his mom is making Sunday breakfast and if he wants some, he should make an appearance.”

“Okay”, I said, nodding, “I will”. And I ran back in the front yard and saw a kid across the street also wearing sunglasses and one of those caps like my dad had. He was waving at me.

“Stuart?” I called out. He nodded, but put his finger to his lips for me to be quiet. I ran across the street to where he was behind a tree between the sidewalk and the street.

“Geez, man”, he whispered, “You’re going to give us away.”

“Sorry”, I said, and then starting to whisper too though we were outside and no one was around so it seemed silly, “Do you know where Frankie is?”

“Not sure”, he said, “Are those your mom’s sunglasses?” He was wearing those reflecting kind that I’d seen airforce pilots wear and a really big leather jacket.

“Yeah”, I said, shaking my head slowly like I knew they looked weird, “Those were the only sunglasses we had, and she’s a Yankees fan, not me.”

“What about your dad?” he asked.

“What about him?” I asked back, worried, but trying not to look or talk worried.

“Doesn’t he have any sunglasses?” he asked, pointing at his, “These are MY dad’s.”

“Not that I can borrow”, I said, “It’s a long story.” I thought that was a good thing to say, like James Bond would say, it was actually true, but it didn’t say ALL that was true. But I figured we better start talking about something else.

“So where’s Frankie?” I asked.

“Don’t know”, he said, “I went by Stella’s house and he wasn’t there. He’s probably down doing Myrna’s. Did you do yours?”

“Yep”, I said, “You?”

“Sure did”, he said, “No problems.”

We decided to head towards Myrna’s house to look for Frankie. We walked back down Olivia to Wells and then headed up Wells towards Packard. We saw a kid up at the top of the hill there wearing sunglasses and one of those old hats grownup men wore in those old black and white movies. We waved to him and he waved back and started walking towards us. I thought about what Frankie might say about my disguise, and I decided to take off mom’s sunglasses and hat, so he wouldn’t see me wearing them up close, because I knew they looked pretty stupid, only women wore those kind of sunglasses.

So when he finally got down to where we were he made a big smile and asked, “So like my getup?” He was wearing bluejeans and one of those “turtleneck” shirts, that’s what mom called the ones she had with the high neck part, but his was black. He grabbed the brim of his old-movie hat with his finger and thumb and pulled it down a little like I’d seen men do it in those old movies.

I thought he didn’t look like a regular kid but somebody in a costume, but I nodded but didn’t say anything.

“You look cool”, said Stuart, who ALWAYS thought Frankie was totally cool, “Like Humphrey Bogart.”

“Who’s that?” asked Frankie. Stuart looked at me and rolled his eyes like Frankie didn’t know EVERYTHING, but he didn’t say anything to Frankie about it. I didn’t know who Humphrey Bogart was either.

Then Frankie looked at me, worried and asked, “Didn’t you wear sunglasses like we agreed?”

“Like YOU agreed”, I said, trying to talk cool and tough like he did, “But yeah, I did”, and I took mom’s glasses out of her baseball cap I was holding, “But they’re my mom’s and look kind of stupid.” I waved them in front of me but didn’t put them on.

He looked at them and laughed through his nose and said, “Yeah, makes you look like a girl.”

“Yeah”, I said, “Stupid.”

Frankie looked at both of us and asked, “Mission accomplished?”

“Yep”, said Stuart. I wanted to be super cool so, instead of saying something, I made that thumbs up sign with my hand.

“Now we wait til tomorrow in school”, said Frankie, “And just see how Evil Myrna reacts. I can’t wait!”

But I was worried, and wondering if Myrna and the other girls could figure out somehow it was us, and I was the one who bought the pencils. I remembered I had shown one of the pencils to Billy in the park yesterday. He thought it was so neat that he begged me to let him have one, so I gave it to him but made him swear he wouldn’t show it to anyone else.

I told Stuart and Frankie I wanted to go home and change out of my “disguise” before my mom got up and saw me in these dress-up clothes with her sunglasses. I ran home and was lucky that mom was taking a bath, and David was gone, probably over in the park or over at Eddie’s house.

***

The next morning, Monday, I woke up to the CKLW DJ playing that new song by the Mamas and the Papas…

Monday, Monday, can’t trust that day
Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way
Oh Monday morning you gave me no warning of what was to be
Oh Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me

I still didn’t get that “how could you leave and not take me” part. I mean days “leave” because they end and change to the next day. But if Monday “took him” would he just end too or be dead or something. Was he saying he wanted to commit suicide?

When mom was yelling at dad on the phone last night she was saying stuff like, “I can’t live another day like this”, which sounded kind of like maybe she wanted to commit suicide. I just couldn’t imagine someone thinking that way. I could imagine maybe being super brave in a war and doing something that you know would get you killed, like falling on a grenade to save your buddies. I could do that when we were pretending we were soldiers in a war but not for real.

Every other day (every other day)
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes (but whenever Monday comes)
A-you can find me cryin’ all of the time

Like the people singing the song, I didn’t like Monday mornings because I didn’t want to go back to school for the next five days straight before I had more of my own weekend days. And today I felt extra that way because I was worried about the whole pencil thing, what would happen and would I get in trouble. I mean Frankie and Stuart really liked the pencils and thought that I was “brilliant” for thinking to get them made. Billy really liked the pencils too, wanted one, so I gave it to him. I liked being the kid with ideas that got my friends excited, at least some of them. I don’t think MIKE would like the pencils. He would probably ask me how I would feel if Myrna had gotten pencils made saying “Cooper loves Alice”, or some other girl in the class that most kids thought was strange. But this didn’t have anything to do with him, he wasn’t even in my class.

The best part about going to school in the morning was getting to see my friends out on the soccer field before class, specially Mike, and putting on our “show” for the fourth and fifth graders, who thought we were super cool, like Greek gods. And if I had to say who was my BEST friend right now, I would have to say it was him, and he was out there, guarding our goal closest to the school, while Billy was at the other goal, talking away and occasionally ACTUALLY BLOCKING A SHOT, though two others got through him. I’d even heard some of the fifth grade boys talking about how Billy was easy to score against, but scoring against Mike, that was the real sign you did good. They’d send the fourth graders to play on Billy’s field because that was the “junior league”.

Frankie, Stuart, Todd, Cal and Grant were out there on offence for our side and Gil and Teddy were playing defense on the far field by Billy’s goal, and Andy and Peter in front of Mike’s. I even saw Arthur out there, who Mike had convinced to play, at least when it wasn’t raining, snowing, muddy or cold.

So I ran across the field towards Mike’s goal and Frankie saw me and yelled out, “Can’t wait to see how Myrna’s doing this morning!” I nodded but kept running toward Mike. Billy saw me and called out, “Tell Mike about the pencils!”

When I got close to Mike, he yelled out to me, “There you are finally, I could use some help on defense on the left over there”, pointing with his finger as a ball came flying towards the goal and he had to run to his right to knock it away. “And what’s Billy all about with these pencils?” he asked.

“Nah, it’s stupid”, I said, waving a hand in front of my face, “It’s just something with Frankie and Stuart.”

“Yeah”, said Mike, “They were saying something about ‘getting Myrna’? What’s that all about?”

Three fifth graders with a ball were dribbling towards me, so I said, “Got to get to work here. Maybe I’ll tell you later!” Mike nodded. And when the second bell rang and we all stopped playing to go inside to class, I ran quickly to the far entrance to go up those stairs to class, avoiding Mike so we didn’t talk anymore.

As usual, when all us boys playing soccer came into class at the last minute, all the other kids including the girls were already sitting there. Myrna had her lips pushed together, thinking, and looking at us boys as we were coming in. I came into the room before Frankie and quickly took my seat over by the windows on the other side away from the door. Frankie and Stuart finally came in and Myrna kept looking at Frankie as he walked by her and went to his seat in the back of the room. Stuart, who was behind Frankie, looked at me as he walked to his seat and made his eyes really big. And when Billy came in with Gil, Myrna watched Billy the same way. Billy looked back at her looking at him and then looked at me and made kind of a funny face and smiled. All us boys who had been playing soccer all had just barely taken our seats when the third bell rang.

“Just under the buzzer”, said Mrs Herman, shaking her head and looking up at the ceiling, “Well now that everyone’s here, a few announcements. Our talent show assembly will be Monday June 13th. So if you, or you and your friends want to perform something for the ‘show’, you need to let me know what you’ll be doing by Tuesday May 31st, which is coming up the day after Memorial Day.” She looked around the room at all of us.

“I think you’re all actually here today”, she said, “So please NOTE… and I’d suggest you even WRITE THIS DOWN. Talent show act submitted to me IN WRITING by Tuesday May 31st, the day after Memorial Day, and the actual assembly is on Monday June 13th. Everybody got it? Yes? Don’t tell me I didn’t tell you because you’re all here and I think you’re all paying attention except maybe Billy…” All the other kids in class turned to look at him and he quickly put something inside his desk, closed it and said “Sorry!”

All morning long I watched Myrna, and Frankie and Stuart did too. You could tell she was thinking about more than school, because she looked kind of mad, like she was worrying about stuff, and she never worried about school. While we were working on stuff at our desks, Frankie, Stuart and I would look at each other and make faces to each other like whatever we did to Myrna was working.

When the bell rang and it was finally lunchtime, the school principal was at our classroom door and asked Mrs Herman to come out in the hall to talk to her. Mrs Herman went out the door as the rest of us went out too. Most of the boys got up quickly to go out of the room first and then the girls too, but as I went through the doorway with everyone else, I noticed Billy was still at his desk watching us all go out. Gil asked him if he was coming, and he said “in just a bit”.

I was starting to talk with Frankie and Stuart in the hallway when I saw Billy finally come out of our classroom, he was the last one. He walked by Mrs Herman and the principal woman talking.

“I think our plan is working”, Frankie whispered to Stuart and me, looking around to make sure no one else in the hall could hear him, “Let’s head outside where we can talk.” The three of us quickly headed down the stairway by our classroom and ran down the stairs past the girls and other boys who were walking down the regular way.

Once we were outside and by ourselves, I could tell Frankie was excited.

“Did you SEE Myrna?” he asked, “She TOTALLY knows about the pencils and is trying to figure out who did it.”

“I agree”, said Stuart, “She TOTALLY does!”

“Our plan is working”, I said, joining in.

“YOUR brilliant plan, that is!” Frankie said. That felt good to hear, but also kind of bad, that is if Myrna or Mrs Herman figured it out. But I looked over to our house and saw dad next to his car waving at me.

“I gotta go”, I said.

“Your dad taking you out to lunch AGAIN?” Stuart asked, like that was really strange, though as far as I knew neither he or Frankie knew that mom and dad were divorced.

“Yeah”, I said, “He’s just weird that way.”

Dad took David and I to lunch as usual at the Food and Drug. Dad and I had BLTs and David had a grilled cheese sandwich. Dad was kind of happy, because he said that now that he had his new job at the U of M and still doing some teaching at Eastern, and making more money, in the fall he was hoping to get his own apartment so we could spend weekends with him and sleep over. I could tell that it was really important to him that we could do that, and not just see him at lunchtime during school or just in the daytime on Saturday or Sunday. I think he felt like right now, he wasn’t being enough of a dad.

Dad dropped us back off at home right when the second bell was ringing for afternoon class, so David and I had to go right back into school and I didn’t get to play any soccer.

I came back into my classroom with the rest of the boys who had been playing. I saw that Myrna was talking to Mrs Herman up by her desk and showing her one of the pencils. My heart started beating really fast. I looked at Frankie and Stuart but they were talking quietly to each other in the back of the room. I took my seat by the window. Myrna gave Mrs Herman the pencil and walked back to her desk, looking at Frankie and Billy with a really fierce look. I guess they were the two boys in class that she figured would do something bad to her like that.

***

When the bell finally rang for the end of afternoon class, Mrs Herman asked Gil to stay behind so she could talk to him. I looked at Gil in his seat and I could tell he looked really scared. Billy was looking at Gil, shaking his head and looking like he was making words with his mouth without saying anything anyone could hear. All the rest of us got up from our seats and left the classroom, Billy still tagging behind and looking fiercely at Gil.

Outside the school I went over to where Frankie and Stuart were talking.

“So did you see?” Frankie asked me, “Myrna gave one of the pencils to Mrs Herman, but it was a blue one and I put a red one in her mailbox.”

“Maybe one of her friends gave her the one THEY got”, said Stuart.

“I put a red one in Myrna’s mailbox and a purple one in Stella’s”, said Frankie, “What color were the ones you guys did?”

“Geez”, said Stuart, “I’m trying to remember.”

“I got twelve made”, I said, “There were three of each color; red, blue, green and purple, but I don’t think I put a blue one in any of my three girls’ mailboxes.” Then I remembered.

“I did give a blue one to Billy”, I said.

“WHAT?” said Frankie, looking like he couldn’t believe it. I suddenly got really extra worried.

“Yeah”, I said, “I was telling Billy about the pencils and I showed him one and he begged me for it so I gave it to him.”

“Oh boy”, said Frankie, “Not a good move.”

Stuart shook his head and said the same thing, “Not a good move.”

Frankie was right, but I was still mad at him for saying it, and even more mad at Stuart for just going along with whatever Frankie said and saying the same thing.

“But maybe”, said Frankie, holding up his finger, “It’ll all work out even better THIS WAY. We’ve struck a blow against the evil Myrna, but maybe also we’ll get Gil and Billy to take the fall for it, because you know Gil will rat on anyone, even his best friend.”

He looked at me and said, “Maybe, Coop my man, you will turn out to be a genius after all.”

“Two birds with one stone, right?” Stuart said.

“Exactly”, said Frankie, “Exactly.”

I really really hoped they were right. I went right home and didn’t hang out in the park that day after school. I didn’t want to run into Billy and Gil.

***

Well, at lunchtime the next day at school, when the bell rang, Mrs Herman asked Billy to stay behind so she could talk to him. Frankie, Stuart and I all figured Gil had ratted on him. As Frankie and Stuart left the room Frankie looked at me and whispered, “You’re a genius, Coop. This gets better and better.”

But that afternoon when the final bell rang, Mrs Herman asked ME to stay behind. Frankie wouldn’t look at me, neither would Billy, but Stuart at least whispered “good luck” as he left the room.

So as the last kids left the room I sat there at my desk. I could feel myself getting really mad about this whole pencil thing, and wishing I had never got those stupid pencils, and that none of my “friends” were REALLY my friends, except maybe Mike, who would have told me I shouldn’t have done this, if I had told him about it.

Mrs Herman looked at me like she was expecting me to come up to her desk so she could talk to me there, but I just sat there in my little desk and looked at her, feeling really mad. I KNEW I’d done a bad thing but I was just sick of it all, sick of elementary school, sick of my stupid friends, sick of mom and dad being divorced.

Still sitting at HER desk, she held up the blue pencil Myrna had given her and asked me, “Did you have these pencils made?” I was so mad I didn’t even want to lie, so I nodded.

“Did you even think about how you would feel”, she asked. “If someone else made these pencils saying YOU loved some girl in this class?”

I looked at her, knowing I had done something really bad, but sick of grownups being in charge of me, being better than me, telling me when I did something wrong. I shook my head, I HADN’T thought about that.

“I’m sure Myrna will be fine”, she said, “But did you even think about how MARTIN would feel if he saw one of these pencils? What it says about how you and your friends think of him? I hope to GOD he didn’t see one of them.” She stopped talking and I looked at her and shook my head again.

She put her hands over her mouth and looked up at the ceiling for a minute, thinking. Then she looked at me again and her eyes got fierce.

“Cooper”, she said, “You’re a very intelligent young man. You’ve done quite well with all your schoolwork this year despite what must be very difficult circumstances at home with your family. I would hope that you would know better than to do something like this.”

Yeah, I knew what I had done was bad. I could feel the tears in my eyes but I didn’t want to cry, I just wanted to be done with school. I just wanted it to be summer when I could do what I wanted, and never think about Mrs Herman, sixth grade, or elementary school ever again. I hoped Tappan next year would be different, that we’d be more like big kids there.