It was Saturday, and it was cold and gray and windy and wet outside. We were all still waiting for that first day of spring. You knew it when it came. All of a sudden the day would be a little warmer, the sun would shine, and there would be that energy in the air, that you could even feel in your body, like everything was suddenly coming back alive around you, and you could smell it in all the plants. Mom’s new friend Maryjane said that Mother Nature would flip a switch and it would suddenly be spring.

Midnight was getting bigger and stronger though he was still a kitten. But now he could jump up on our beds by himself, and didn’t have to meow at us to pick him up and put him on one of our beds so he could sleep there. Besides mom calling him “Middie”, David and I were giving him our own nicknames. It wasn’t just mom that liked to give everybody nicknames, David and I liked it too. David called him “Nawnee”, which I think came from the words “no need”, that David said to him when he got all crazed, to try and calm him down. I called him “Coolers” because I thought he was pretty cool, the way he strutted around like he was in charge of things. David and I agreed that his “full name” was “Midnight Nawnee Coolers Zale”.

***

I had already seen the new James Bond “Thunderball” movie FIVE TIMES. The first time with Maryjane’s kids Zeke and Gordon. The second time was with Dad and David, though mom wasn’t happy about us seeing it, specially David. So I made sure not to tell mom the next times I saw it. I watched it twice even, with Billy, Teddy, Gil and Cal. It was pretty neat. We went to the 11 o’clock show, watched the movie once, and then stayed in the theater and watched it again. Then I saw it with Andy, Mike and Arthur. Andy and Arthur wanted to stay and watch it a second time, but Mike didn’t, so we decided to go home.

We usually went to the show on Saturday or Sunday at 11 o’clock, and there weren’t many other people there watching, and we’d sit up close in the front row so everything in the movie was giant in front of us. We’d buy a big bucket of popcorn to share and then our own boxes of candies, though we’d end up sharing those too, but more like trading. Four malted milk balls for a stick of red licorice, stuff like that.

Now today, it turned out I was going to see it AGAIN, this time with Stuart and Frankie. I had gone over to Frankie’s house this morning for a meeting of their secret organization, “Y.A.C.C.O.”, which was short for “Young Agents of Chaos and Craziness Organization”. Because of all the secret agent and spy stuff out there – like “Man From U.N.C.L.E.”, “I Spy”, “Get Smart”, “Wild Wild West”, James Bond books, and now the new James Bond movie “Thunderball” – we were all trying to do our own secret agent and spy stuff all the time, at least when we weren’t in school.

Billy and Gil had set up their “G.R.A.P.E.”, which was short for “Granger Rangers of Absolute Preeminence and Esteem”, and had “recruited” Teddy and Cal to join. They let me kind of join too, even though I didn’t live on Granger, though only as a “junior partner”. Cal didn’t actually live on Granger either, but his street, who’s name I could never remember, SEEMED like it was on Granger, because you’d be going down Granger and then keep going across Ferdon and then you’d be on Cal’s street. Billy said Cal’s house was on “secret Granger”. Their group’s plan, according to Billy was to do secret “actions” against the “enemy organizations”, which included sneaking out after it got dark and when no one was around to see them, and throwing rolls of toilet paper in the trees in front of some “enemy’s” house, like Myrna or Frankie or Andy, and then running away before anyone saw them.

Andy had set up his group, “B.P.O.U.N.D.”, or “Burns Park Organization for United Neighborhood Defense” after the trees in front of his house ended up with toilet paper in them. He had gotten Mike, Arthur and me to come to his secret meetings at his house. When I told him that Billy had invited me to join his G.R.A.P.E. group, Andy wanted me to be a “double agent” for HIS group, and join Billy’s group, pretend I was working for them, but really be spying for Andy’s group. I agreed. I had also agreed to be a double agent for Billy’s group to spy on Frankie’s group, and to spy on Billy’s group for Frankie’s. I agreed to it all. I was kind of a “triple agent”, but all three groups thought I was doing a good job and working for them. Who I was REALLY working for was hard to say. I was just doing what all my friends wanted me to do so they’d think I was cool, though with each group I had to be careful what I said and didn’t say so they didn’t figure out I was spying on them too.

All three groups figured Myrna must have set up her own secret organization for the girls, which they figured was SO secret, us boys didn’t know if it even existed. Billy said he’d heard the girls group’s name was “G.R.E.A.T.”, which was short for “Girls Rule Everywhere Always Triumphs”, but I wondered if he’d just made that up. Myrna lived on Dewey on the other side of Packard, which was kind of a long way from the rest of us, so her house was hard to spy on. But ABBY, who they all figured must be in Myrna’s super secret group because they were close friends, lived right across the street from me, so all three boys’ groups asked me to spy on Myrna when she went over to Abby’s house, which she did a lot.

So I tried to spy on Abby’s house, especially when Myrna was there. Abby’s room was upstairs and had a window in the front of the house that I could see really well from the attic window in the front of our house, especially in the winter when there were no leaves on the trees in our front yard. I could see in her window kind of, though I couldn’t hear anything they were saying. But sometimes, Myrna and Abby and Beth would sit in Abby’s backyard “patio” and talk about stuff. I could sneak down the alley behind her house and hide behind the bushes in the back part of her backyard along the alley, and hear what they were saying, and then report to all the three boy groups.

Anyway, after I had reported at the secret Y.A.C.C.O. meeting this morning at Frankie’s house on the latest on Myrna activity at Abby’s house and G.R.A.P.E. activity at Billy’s, we adjourned the meeting and Frankie suggested we go see “Thunderball”. They had seen it a bunch of times already, but wanted to see it again. I had money, enough to buy a ticket and candy and stuff, so I agreed.

All my friends were really into James Bond and secret agent stuff, and Stuart, Frankie, Mike, Arthur, Billy and I were all starting to read the James Bond books too. Mrs Herman even let us do book reports on them for school credit, though they didn’t have any of those books in the library. Most of us were reading them in order, so I’d read “Casino Royale”, “Live and Let Die” and “Moonraker”. Billy was reading whichever one he thought had the most interesting title of the ones he hadn’t read yet, so he had read Thunderball, though he said he liked the movie better. Most of us had seen the “Goldfinger” movie last winter, which was really really cool. None of us had been into James Bond when the “Doctor No” and “From Russia with Love” movies came out before that.

“Before we go”, Frankie said to me, “Have you heard that new Johnny Rivers song? ‘Secret Agent Man’?” I nodded.

“I heard it a couple times on CK”, I said, trying to be cool by not saying the whole “CKLW”, like other kids were doing.

“My brother Donny just bought the fortyfive at Discount”, he said, “We gotta hear it before we go.”

Frankie and his brother Donny had a better record player than David and I did. It had this big silver metal box thing with lots of dials buttons and cables coming out of it that looked like a giant radio called a “tuner”. On a shelf in their room was a whole bunch of those fortyfive “single” records. Frankie had to look through them to find the one he wanted, but he finally did. He turned that “tuner” thing on and the speakers it was hooked up to hummed. Then he started the record on the record player part.

The beginning guitar part started. It was really loud, jangly, and super neat.

“I’m trying to figure out how to play that on the guitar”, Frankie said, “Donny can, and oh he got an electric one”, and he pointed at the thing leaning against the wall, all shiny green and black with dials and plugs on the front, “But he won’t let me play it yet.” Then the words started, and Frankie started singing along with the guy on the record…

There’s a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won’t live to see tomorrow

I thought about that last line. Could I live like that, knowing that I’d probably make some mistake and end up getting shot or blown up? I mean it was super cool for pretending, but for real?

And for the chorus part, Stuart sang along, even doing a harmony…

Secret agent man
Secret agent man
They’ve given you a number, and taken away your name

I could sing, but not as cool as Frankie and Stuart could. So I didn’t try to sing along on the chorus part with the two of them…

Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide an evil mind

“Like Myrna’s”, I said. Trying to join in somehow. I didn’t really think she was evil, but she always thought she had EVERYTHING figured out, specially boys, and I knew Frankie and Stuart didn’t like her.

“Myrna?” said Frankie, “No way SHE’S pretty. But yeah, she has an evil mind, you’re right.”

Oh, be careful what you say
Or you will give yourself away
Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow

I guess a lot of boys seemed to think some girls had evil minds, specially older boys like the Beatles and those other Rock bands we all listened to…

Swinging on the Riviera one day
And then laying in a Bombay alley next day
Oh no you let the wrong word slip
While kissing persuasive lips
Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow

Secret agent man
Secret agent man
They’ve given you a number, and taken away your name

Frankie turned off the record player and the “tuner” part, put the record back in its paper holder and the three of us put on our jackets and headed out into the cold wetness up Olivia towards Hill.

“Did you see on TV”, Stuart said, “That super religious people in the South are burning Beatles records because of what Lennon said about being more popular than Jesus?” Stuart liked to be super cool and call musicians and other famous people just by their last names.

“Yeah”, said Frankie, “That’s crazy stuff. He was just trying to make a point about how popular they are, especially all those screaming girls. I don’t know… it’s embarrassing, screaming and crying like that, but what, they’re girls.”

“They’re WHITE girls”, said Stuart, “Now those black girls, like in the Motown groups, are way too cool to ever scream like that.”

“Agreed”, said Frankie, “Way too cool. They’re too busy singing…”, and he started to sing that new song by the Marvelettes…

Don’t mess with Bill

And Stuart started singing the next two lines…

No, no, no, no
Don’t mess with Bill

And Frankie got loud singing with a really high voice trying to sound like that main singer for the Marvelettes, with Stuart doing the “don’t mess” parts…

Leave my Billy alone (don’t mess with Bill)
Find a guy of your own (don’t mess with Bill)

Two college student guys were up ahead of us walking towards us. We all saw them and Frankie and Stuart stopped singing and looked like embarrassed little kids.

“Don’t stop on our account”, said one of them as they walked by us on the sidewalk, “You guys sound pretty good.”

Frankie looked at Stuart and me and made a silly face and asked, “We did?” I laughed. That’s why I liked hanging out with those two, they just always did singing and silly stuff that I kind of wanted to do but was too shy, too embarrassed to do.

Frankie and Stuart loved to talk, and to sing, though when they were together Frankie always seemed like he was in charge of the talking. But when Frankie WASN’T around, and it was Stuart and me, or Mike or our other friends, Stuart was usually in charge of the talking.

“So Coop”, Frankie asked, “How many times have you seen Thunderball?”

“Five”, I said, “This’ll be my sixth.”

“And Seventh”, said Stuart, “I’m up to seeing it twice. That’ll be only my fourth and fifth.” He shook his head slowly and made a pretend sad face.

“Seventh and eighth for me”, said Frankie, “But what I wanna know, Coop, is what’re your MOST favorite and LEAST favorite parts?”

“That’s a tough one”, I said, “The whole movie is SO cool.” I always said “cool” instead of “neat” when I was talking to the two of them, because they said “cool” a lot, and I think they thought “neat” was more of a little kid word.

“I like when all the guys in the scuba suits and spearguns have that underwater battle”, I said, “And when Largo’s boat unhooks the back part and takes off on those hydrofoil things.”

“Okay”, said Frankie, being in charge, “Good choices… now least.”

“That’s even harder”, I said, “It was such a good movie.”

“Hey”, said Frankie, making a grin and winking at me, “If it wasn’t hard it wouldn’t be a fun question, would it?”

“So true”, said Stuart, like Frankie was the coolest person in the world and Stuart wanted to tell him that.

Frankie certainly could be “full of himself”, that’s what mom might say. I figured I’d say something Frankie wouldn’t like, just to make him mad.

So I said, “My least favorite part is when Bond punches that woman wearing a veil in that beginning part and it turns out to really be a man, that SPECTRE guy, Colonel Bouvar. I thought it was pretty stupid.” I ACTUALLY had thought it was cool the first time I saw it, but I didn’t tell him that.

“WHAT?” he said, opening his eyes wide and tilting his head, “That’s my absolute favorite part!” I KNEW he was going to say that and I did a laugh in my mind, but not so they could see or hear it.

“Also”, I said, “I don’t like the Tom Jones theme song.”

“Ah, come on”, said Stuart, “It’s perfection!” And he started to sing, and Frankie did the music parts at the end of each line…

He always runs while others walk (bah dot da dah)
He acts while other men just talk (bah dot da dah)
He looks at this world, and wants it all (dah dah dah)
So he strikes (dah duh dah duh dah) like Thunderball (dah duh dah)

“Different strokes for different folks”, I said.

“You sound like Mike”, Stuart said. I HAD heard Mike say that a couple times.

When we got to Hill we turned left and walked down to Forest. That was where the building was that dad worked at now. He worked for the University of Michigan now, this new “Language Learning Center” place, though he said he also still taught classes in the evening at Eastern to make some extra money. His office was up at the top of this really neat metal fire escape. David and I would go up and down it like we were on a giant World War Two battleship or maybe submarine. I guess more like a battleship because it was outside.

I thought to tell Stuart and Frankie that my dad worked there, but then I didn’t because I didn’t want to bring him up in case one of them had heard somehow that mom and dad were divorced and tried to ask me about it.

But then we went around the corner and walked up Forest and we went by the two houses next to each other that were my old Play School. I pointed at them across the street.

“That’s where I went to Play School”, I said.

“You mean, Nursery School”, said Frankie.

“Nope”, I said, remembering that awful day I’d had at that nursery school place before mom had me go to Play School instead, “I HATED nursery school but that Towsley place was great!”

“Hunh”, said Frankie, “How so?”

“They had great toys”, I said, “And they let you play all the time with them, except if you wanted to listen to one of the teachers read a story, like Winnie the Pooh.”

“Oh”, said Stuart, “I LOVED Winnie the Pooh!” Frankie laughed through his nose like Stuart was silly.

We kept walking up Forest to South U, where all the stores and restaurants were and the students were walking around, then down South U to where the “Engineering Arch” was, that’s what mom and dad called it, like it was some real special place that they really liked. Abby and Steve said their dad worked there as an “Engineering Professor” and that there was a giant water tank where they did experiments. It sounded neat, though I’d never seen it.

I liked walking under the arch and through the little tunnel into the “Diag”, which was short for “diagonal”, though it looked more like a square area on all the maps of Ann Arbor or the campus area. Walking through there was like going into the students’ castle or fort, because inside there a lot of them would sit on the ground like it was their backyard or something, though not so much on a cold, drizzly day where all the ground was wet. But still students sat on benches, on steps and other concrete blocks that were around and talked to each other.

Some of the students would look at us and smile, some would nod their heads and others would shake theirs, whatever that meant. We’d walk by some that would tease us in a nice way and say stuff like, “The freshmen are looking younger and younger every year.” That would make us smile and feel like we were part of their team, against the grownup team. They’d just been on the team longer than we had. I really liked that feeling. Yeah there were grownups walking around too, but you could tell that they knew it wasn’t THEIR place. It was funny that at my school, and my old Bach School, even though there were way more kids than grownups, the grownup teachers and coaches and other ones walked around like it was THEIR place, not ours! I guess that was true, because if it was OUR place it would be really different.

At the far corner of the Diag, or square, or whatever it really was, was State Street. It had a lot of really neat places on it. Down there to the left was the Union, where dad took David and me to get our hair cut and had those neat elevators and other cool places. Then just up the street from the Union was that little museum that had the mummies in it. Right across from where we were was the Arcade, which was like a big sidewalk between buildings, except it had a roof on it that you could see through which was super neat. Then just up from there was my new favorite store, Discount Records. Riders was my other favorite store, because it had all the war games and models.

So we crossed State Street, just like all the students did, just walking across wherever and whenever we wanted, making the cars stop for US for a change. As we walked up the sidewalk on the other side toward our favorite record store, we could hear the song they were playing.

Oh, I’m going (Rider) with my baby (Rider)
And I won’t be (Rider) back ’til fall, yeah (Rider)
Oh, I’m going (Rider) with my baby (Rider)
And I won’t be (Rider) back ’til fall, yeah (Rider)
And if I find me a new girl
I won’t be back at all (C.C. rider, C.C. Rider)

“The Detroit Wheels”, Stuart shouted, “Mitch Ryder!” He started snapping his fingers and doing dancing steps along the sidewalk as we walked up to the record store on the corner.

“Great Song”, said Frankie, also starting to do the same kind of dancing following right behind Stuart like they were doing a show or something. I felt kind of uncomfortable, and looked around to see if people were looking at us, and some were. I wanted my two friends to think I was cool and one of them, so I should be dancing too, but I was embarrassed about dancing so I didn’t, though I did move my head up and down and side to side to the beat. I was trying to figure out how else I could show them that I knew some of this cool music stuff too, so I said, “That’s that CC Rider song… yeah, it’s really good.”

“Well actually”, said Frankie, still dancing as he walked forward, “People make that mistake. The song’s called ‘Jenny Take a Ride’.” So much for trying to impress Frankie!

Ah, Jenny, Jenny, Jenny, won’t you come along with me
(Jenny, Jenny, woo, Jenny, Jenny)
Jenny Jenny, Jenny, won’t you come along with me
(Jenny, Jenny, woo, Jenny, Jenny)
I worry ’bout you, baby, spendin’ nights in misery

Finally we got to the corner where Liberty ran into State. The State Theater was across the street. It was showing that new comedy secret agent movie, “Our Man Flint”, that I hadn’t seen yet. Mike, Andy and Arthur had, and Mike said he liked it better than “Thunderball”, because it was a “parody”, which I think was pretty much like a satire.

Still dancing to the music behind us now, Stuart and Frankie just danced out onto Liberty, I don’t think they even looked both ways first. I did, and I followed them, moving my head to the beat. We bought our tickets at the box office. They each cost 75 cents, which was more than the 50 cents I had paid to see “Goldfinger”. Finally my two friends stopped dancing as we went inside.

The Michigan Theater was much neater than the State. It had this giant lobby with thick red carpet and was super quiet. Two big round staircases went up on either side to the upstairs part where you could get to the balcony. Mom said it had been a “regular theater” a long time ago that also showed movies. Across from the staircases was the long glass counter where we could buy stuff to eat and drink. You could smell the buttered popcorn really strong.

Frankie turned toward us and pointed a finger at Stuart and another at me.

“So here’s how it should go”, he said, “We each buy a thing of buttered popcorn, cokes, and candy of our choice that’s sharable. Deal?” Stuart and I both nodded our heads.

“Coop. You okay with Red Hots?” Stuart asked. I nodded. I guess he already knew Frankie liked them, because they were best friends.

“Malted Milk Balls here”, Frankie said, “Favored by everyone.” I nodded. They WERE good!

So I followed along. “You guys like red licorice?”

“Of course”, said Frankie, “Who doesn’t?”

“Mike doesn’t”, Stuart said.

“Well, Mike”, said Frankie, shaking his head, “He’s a special case. He didn’t even like this movie. Can you believe it? He said it was ‘nasty’.” I remembered that at one of mom’s parties her new friend Maryjane said the movie was a “patriarchal fetish”, but I didn’t know what either of those words meant.

So we bought all our stuff and Frankie got the guy to give him one of those boxes with those special holders you can put your drinks in the corners, though he didn’t use it for that. Always in charge, he asked the two of us, “Balcony or front row?” I beat Stuart to the response.

“Front row”, I said.

“Good man”, said Frankie. Older kids were saying that a lot now, like they were trying to be like grownups. But I wouldn’t say it, I would never try to be like a grownup.

We got our seats in the middle of the front row. There was nobody else in the theater except this older boy and girl sitting in the middle in the very back row. They noticed us coming in and I could tell they were talking about us. He was saying stuff to her and she was shaking her head. Finally she stood up and started walking to the aisle. So he stood up too and they went out the doors to the lobby. In a minute we could see them come in the doors of the balcony.

“Probably want to make out during the movie”, Frankie said.

The lights went down and the giant curtain in front of the screen went up. I could hear its motor humming to raise it. The screen lit up with that music I’d heard so many times at the beginning of a Roadrunner and Wile E Coyote cartoon. It had the pretty regular stuff, Wile E Coyote falling off the cliff and crashing to the ground with a puff of dust, and then to make it worse the big rock falling on him too. Then him painting rocks to look like the entrance to a tunnel and a road through, Roadrunner going through it, but when Coyote tried to follow he just splats against the rock wall. Finally he straps this big rocket to his back, and when Roadrunner zooms by him he lights the fuse and its engine goes fast enough that he finally gets ready to grab him but the road turns at the side of another cliff but the rocket doesn’t turn and Coyote smashes into the side of the mountain on the other side of the cliff and then of course falls down that cliff to a final puff of dust. Roadrunner looks at us, sticks out his tongue and zooms off, followed by the music.

The screen went dark for a moment and then our movie started. We had all seen it enough that we knew what was going to happen, but it was still fun because it was a whole world of places and buildings and people that we’d never seen anywhere else. And each time we watched it, we saw things we hadn’t noticed before.

Like in that first scene, the one that I told Frankie I didn’t like just to make him mad, the woman helping Bond thinks the dead guy in the casket is that SPECTRE Number 6 guy, Bouvar, and the woman in black with the veil over her face is his widow. But Bond knows that Bouvar is only faking he’s dead and that he is dressed in that black dress and veil. So when Bouvar, still dressed as that woman with the veil so you can’t see his face, goes home to his giant house, and goes up stairs to this giant living room, Bond is there waiting.

Bond: Madame. (Walking towards Bouvar) I’m here to offer my sincere condolences. (Punching Bouvar in the face, knocking him down)

“Do you guys remember the first time you saw the movie?” Frankie asked, “And you thought he was slugging this woman? Wasn’t that crazy?”

“Yeah”, said Stuart, “Totally crazy.”

I thought so too the first time, but now seeing the movie for the SIXTH time, it just seemed kind of stupid, but I didn’t say anything more about it. I DID still like watching how Bond escaped with that jet pack thing on his back. I’d seen stories in the news about those jet packs and they seemed really cool. And his CAR, that Astin Martin, was REALLY cool. The badguys are running after them but Bond and that woman get in the car and then put of that shield in the back to stop the bullets. Then they spray the bad guys with water as they drive off and the screen turns all watery and blue and the “Thunderball” song starts, sung by Tom Jones.

“I still can’t believe you don’t like this song”, Frankie whispered to me. I think it was because mom REALLY liked Tom Jones but I thought he sounded like a grownup trying to sing like he was an older kid. Stuart and Frankie sang along. Frankie even wagged his finger…

He always runs while others walk
He acts while other men just talk
He looks at this world, and wants it all
So he strikes, like Thunderball

Each time I’d seen the movie I’d heard the song, and I’d think about the words in it more and more…

He knows the meaning of success
His needs are more, so he gives less

I figured the “he” in the song had to be James Bond, or just “Bond” as we called him now to sound more cool. So what were his “needs” and why were they more? Did he need more sexy women and sex because he was a secret agent, and like Johnny Rivers sang, “With every move he makes another chance he takes… Odds are he won’t live to see tomorrow?” So he might as well have as much grownup fun as he can before somebody kills him.

They call him the winner who takes all
And he strikes, like Thunderball

That line made him sound like he wasn’t very nice. But he seemed pretty nice in most of the movie when he wasn’t killing guys, though they WERE badguys, and they WERE trying to kill him first, and he WAS a grownup.

Any woman he wants, he’ll get
He will break any heart without regret

This made him seem not very nice too. Was that what grownup men did, they GOT women? Did dad GET mom? Did he get that other woman that he had sex with that mom found out about? Did he break mom’s heart?

His days of asking are all gone
His fight goes on and on and on
But he thinks that the fight is worth it all
So he strikes like Thunderball

Now the first time I saw the movie and that scene after the theme song where you think he’s punching a woman in the face who wasn’t even fighting with him, it was like a total shock, and kind of funny even, in a weird kind of way. But if Bond was going to end up killing him, why didn’t he just shoot him instead of punching him and almost getting killed himself?

But all three of us thought it was still cool when that guy at the SPECTRE meeting that messed up got electrocuted by “Number One” pushing that button, and then his chair lowered into the floor with the dead guy in it and then came back up empty. It was cool because it was the SPECTRE badguys, and they were supposed to do stuff like that. If the goodguys did that to one of THEIR guys, that would be different.

And all three of us knew that James Bond and M’s secretary, Moneypenny, liked each other. They were talking to each other on the phone about this tattoo that a guy had that Bond wanted to find out about…

Moneypenny: A red square with a spike through it?

Bond: Yes, I think it’s a Tong sign. The Red Dragon from Macau. Ask records to verify it for me, will you?

Moneypenny: Oh sorry, sweetie, you’re off duty. File it til you get back.

Bond: Moneypenny, next time I see you, I’ll put you across my knee.

Moneypenny: On yogurt and lemon juice? I can hardly wait.

I know some grownups spanked kids. Mom would never do it, but dad did it to me that time when I swore at mom when I was three. But did grownup men like to spank grownup women that they liked a lot, and did those grownup women like to get spanked? And did they get naked and do it? It just seemed really weird to me.

Frankie and Stuart didn’t say anything when Bond and Moneypenny said that. I looked at Stuart and he made a face like he didn’t know what they were talking about. It had to be some grownup sex thing.

And a little later in the movie Bond goes into this room in a bathrobe where this I guess nurse woman is looking at his x-ray. He comes up behind her and puts his hand on her shoulder and looks at the x-ray too.

Bond: Do I seem healthy?

Woman: Too healthy by far. (She pushes his hand off her shoulder) Take off your bathrobe please.

Bond: (Taking off his robe so he’s just in his underwear) You never say that as if you meant it.

Woman: (Annoyed) Arms above your head, please. (He puts them above his head as she puts her hands on his waist and examines his back and sees a wound there)

When she stands back up he brings his arms down and around her, grabbing and kissing her on the mouth. You could tell she didn’t want him to and tries to pull away from him but can’t because he’s stronger than her and holding her too tightly. Finally he lets her go and she looks all confused and not sure what to do.

Woman: (Angry) Behave yourself, Mr. Bond! (Shaking her head) Oh, I can see there’s only one place to keep you quiet. (She opens a curtain and there’s a special table)

Bond: And what’s this?

Woman: A motorized traction table for stretching the spine. Some patients call it the rack.

Bond: (Looking it over) I’m not surprised.

Woman: (Still annoyed) Oh, get on.

(Bond lies down on the table and she hooks his waist, wrists and feet to it)

Woman: There now. First time I’ve felt really safe all day. (Turning the machine on and walking out of the room) I’ll look in to see how you’re doing in fifteen minutes.

So while Bond is on the machine being pulled back and forth for a long time as we see the hands of the clock change, this other guy who we can’t see sneaks in and turns the machine up really high so Bond’s in trouble and yells for help. Finally the woman comes back into the room all worried and turns the machine off.

Woman: You poor dear. I can’t think how it could have happened. I can tell you, it’s a miracle I came back when I did. I can only think that you must have pushed the switch accidentally. Well, you better come along with me. Spend a few minutes in the steam room. It’ll help to relax you.

Bond: Somebody’s going to wish today had never happened.

Woman: Oh, you wouldn’t tell Dr. Wain? Please. I’d lose my job.

Bond: Well, I suppose my silence could have a price.

Woman: (Looking very concerned) You don’t mean… OH, NO. (Wags her finger at him)

Bond: (Approaching her) OH, YES.

So Bond opens the steam room door and the only way she can get away from him is to back into the steam room, and he follows her in and pushes the door closed. Now you can kind of see through the steamy glass her back and him taking her clothes off.

Stuart laughed in a nervous kind of way, shook his head and said, “So she has to have sex with him or he’ll tell her boss and she’ll get fired.”

“Well”, Frankie said, “You heard the song. Any woman he wants he gets. But you could tell she really wanted to even though she was saying no, right?”

Stuart wrinkled his nose like he wasn’t sure and said, “I guess.”

I was watching this scene for the sixth time, and it sure looked to me like he made her have sex with him even though she didn’t really want to. Maybe she liked him. Maybe she even had a crush on him. But did she REALLY want to, or did she just not want him to tell on her?

But then in the next scene that same woman is lying in bed on her stomach naked, though we can’t see the bottom half of her body under a sheet. Bond, wearing a bathrobe, is rubbing her back with this puffy thing on his hand.

Bond: Mink. It reduces the tension.

Woman: (Thinking) Not mine. (She closes her eyes and turns her head away)

“See”, said Frankie, pointing at the movie screen in front of us, “She wanted to. She went back with him to his hotel room or wherever that is.”

“I don’t know”, said Stuart, shaking his head.

And then that Fiona woman, who we find out later is really working for the main badguy Largo who is also SPECTRE Number Two, is in bed kissing that Derval guy who we find out later is that other woman Domino’s brother. Derval thinks Fiona’s his secretary, but she’s just about to help that other badguy, Angelo, who’s had his face changed to look exactly like Derval, kill him, and take his place flying on the NATO bomber with the atomic bombs on it. She even gives Angelo the “Gamma Gas” to kill all the other guys on the NATO bomber.

I wondered if a lot of grownup men had sex with their secretaries, and if that other woman dad had sex with was his secretary, though he never said he had one.

So the guards at the NATO base let Angelo in because he has Derval’s badge and looks like Derval. So when he’s on the plane they let him go up and sit in the copilot’s seat while the pilot flies the plane. He sticks the Gamma Gas into something on the control panel which makes it get into the air of the plane and it kills the pilot and the other crew. He isn’t killed because Fiona gave him a special breathing thing.

So Angelo flies the plane to where Largo is on his boat near that Nassau place, which Stuart said was in the Bahama Islands, which he said was down near Miami Florida. He lands the plane in the water where Largo’s guys had put special landing lights, and then the plane sinks to the bottom, and Angelo uses his special breathing thing to breathe underwater. He tries to unhook his seat belts but they get stuck and he can’t get out of his pilot seat. Largo swims up in a scuba suit with a knife and Angelo thinks he’s going to help him, but he cuts Angelo’s air hose instead and takes the special white box that lets you blow up the atomic bombs. Angelo can’t breathe so he dies.

“So do you think Largo would have killed him even if he hadn’t asked for extra money to do the job?” Stuart asked Frankie.

“Probably”, Frankie said, nodding his head slowly.

“Yeah”, I said, nodding my head too. Those SPECTRE badguys were REALLY bad, not sort of bad like Long John Silver or Captain Nemo.

So all Largo’s guys in scuba stuff come with this neat small submarine sled thing to get the atomic bombs from the plane while the rest of Largo’s scuba guys put a camouflage net over the plane so it’s harder to see from the surface. They bring the bombs back to Largo’s yacht, the “Disco Volante”, which has special doors on the bottom of the ship so the divers and sub can get in and out so no one else can see them.

So what none of us could figure out is the scene where Bond is driving his car back to the London MI6 office for the big meeting with all the other “Double-O” secret agents about the missing jet and the atomic bombs. These guys in a car follow Bond and start shooting at him, but Fiona, on a special motorcycle that can shoot rockets, helps him by blowing up the car of the guys chasing and shooting at him. She’s working for Largo and SPECTRE, so why would she want to keep Bond alive? Did she have a crush on him TOO like all the other women he meets or knows.

So at the meeting we see nine chairs for what must be the nine Double-O agents because the seventh one is empty, until Bond, whose agent Double-O SEVEN, comes in late to take his seat. In the special meeting packet about all the crew of the plane with the bombs that disappeared, Bond sees a picture of a young woman with that Derval guy who the back of the picture says is his sister. Bond found him dead last night after Angelo killed him, so how could Derval have been on that NATO bomber. So Bond tells his boss, “M”, that he should go to Nassau where I guess that woman is. M worries that Bond just wants to go to enjoy “water sports”, but sends him anyway.

Before Bond leaves the office, there’s a scene with him and M’s secretary, Moneypenny. All my friends agreed that she has a crush on him and he does on her, even though she’s older than all the other women he likes to hang out with and have sex with.

So in the next scene, Bond is in Nassau, underwater hiding, watching Derval’s sister, Domino, swimming underwater too. Neither of them have air tanks so they have to hold their breath, but Domino gets her foot caught in some rocks and is in trouble, but he swims over to save her. They both finally come up to the surface.

Domino: Thank you, Mr…

Bond: James Bond. I arrived soon after you went down. I’d been admiring your form.

Domino: (Wary) Have you, now? Your name’s James Bond and you’ve been admiring my form?

Bond: Most girls just paddle around. You swim like a man.

Domino: So do you.

Bond: Well, I’ve had quite a bit of practice. Do you come here often?

Domino: Whenever I’m bored. Practically every day.

Bond: What else do you do, and where?

Domino: You don’t waste time, do you?

Bond: No.

“He’s always smooth talking the ladies”, Frankie said, laughing through his nose, “She’s got a crush on him already. Women like it when men are interested in them and say they look good to look at. But the girls WE know, I don’t think so.”

“So Coop”, Stuart said, “If you had to make out with one of the sixth grade girls who would it be? Beth or Millie?” Beth was in Stuart and Frankie’s class, and I used to sit next to her last year in fifth grade and used to talk to her about school stuff, like SRA and book reports. Most of the boys liked her. Millie was a new girl in my class who had just come to Burns Park in January. She had red hair and was super pretty.

“What about Abby”, I said, thinking that if you were talking about good looking girls, she should be on the list too.

“OHHH”, said Frankie, “So you’ve got a thing for Abby, do you? Well it figures because you live right across the street and you can look in her bedroom window from YOUR bedroom window. SO ROMANTIC!”

I realized I should never have mentioned Abby. It was always too dangerous to talk about girls in front of other boys, because they could always do THIS to you, and then you’d get embarrassed and it would get worse.

“NO”, I said, “She’s just another girl. I just thought if you were making a list of the best looking girls she should be on it. That’s all. It’s not like I LIKE her.”

“I’ve seen you talking to her”, said Stuart, “Just admit it… you like her.”

“She’s okay”, I said, “I mean when she sees me she says hello. What am I supposed to do, be rude?” I had to get them off this Abby thing.

“So who would you guys make out with?” I asked.

“Millie”, said Stuart, “If I HAD to, definitely Millie.”

Frankie said, “Me? Still Beth… but only if I HAD too, not that I have a crush on her or anything.”

I felt mad. They got to talk about a girl they’d make out with and no one made them embarrassed about it. But me? It was no fair.

But then there was that scene where Bond was eating lunch with Domino, and he asked her to try some of his conch chowder…

Bond: How long have you been out here?

Domino: About three weeks. (Starting to laugh) Don’t you ever stop asking questions?

Bond: All right. Change of tack. (Holding up his bowl of soup) Have some of my conch chowder.

Domino: You’ve been reading the wrong books, Mr. Bond.

Bond: About conch chowder?

Domino: Being an aphrodisiac.

Bond: Well, it happens I like conch chowder.

Domino: (Grinning) Oh!

“Do you guys know what an ‘aphrodisiac’ is?” Frankie asked us. I didn’t know, though I thought it had something to do with having sex, so it was one of those questions that was dangerous to answer either yes OR no. If I said yes, then Frankie might ask me to say what it was, and if I said no, then he might think I was still a little kid who didn’t know anything.

“I don’t know”, said Stuart, “Maybe.”

“So what is it?” Frankie asked. I could tell Stuart was getting mad at him for asking.

“Why don’t YOU tell us”, Stuart said, “Franklin Lane, man of all knowledge.”

“Ha ha”, said Frankie, “I WISH! I really don’t know, so I was asking you guys.” Now Stuart looked uncomfortable so I helped him.

“I think it might have something to do with sex stuff”, I said. That seemed safe to say, because Frankie really didn’t know.

So this was the part of the movie where Bond was figuring out that Domino was involved with Largo. She was saying she was his “niece” which meant he was her uncle. So later that evening Bond goes to the casino where Largo and Domino are and he plays that card game, which we all knew was called “Baccarat”, against Largo and wins and gets some of Largo’s money. Largo wants to win his money back so he lets Bond take Domino for a drink while he keeps playing.

Bond: (To Domino) I understand you’re Mr. Largo’s niece.

Domino: (Sad and thoughtful) It sounds better than… what would you say? Mistress? Kept woman?

Bond: I wouldn’t say that. Where did you meet him?

Domino: In Capri. I was there with my brother, Francois. (thoughtful) Strange. I found Emilio attractive then.

“So she’s not Largo’s niece, right?” said Frankie, “She’s his mistress. Like she’s his girlfriend but he’s in charge of her like she’s his wife and he has sex with her.”

“Ewww”, said Stuart, sticking out his tongue, “She has sex with LARGO?”

I thought that was pretty disgusting too, and said, “We never find out if that’s really true.”

So then Bond finds out that that Derval guy who was supposed to fly in the NATO bomber but was killed by Angelo was Domino’s brother, but she doesn’t know he’s dead.

Domino: He’s a commandant with the NATO forces there. He’s a wonderful person. The trouble is, I never meet anyone like him.

Bond: Only men like Largo and myself.

Domino: You are not like Largo.

Bond: No? Why do you say that?

Domino: The way you hold me.

“Oh, wow”, said Frankie, “She’s totally got the hots for Bond.”

“The way you HOLD me”, he said, trying to sound like Domino, then sounding like himself, “She’s such a flirt.”

I wondered if Molly and I had ever “had the hots” for each other or were we just best friends. We liked being next to each other with our shoulders or legs touching. There was that one time when she climbed up right in front of me in one of the spruce trees in our old backyard and her chest touched mine. That felt good too. But we never did any of that dancing or hugging or holding hands stuff that older kids did when they were girlfriend and boyfriend. Stuart said if he “had to”, he’d make out with Millie, and Frankie would with Beth. Did that mean they “had the hots” for them, or just that it wouldn’t be bad.

And what about Abby, did I have the hots for her? I mean I liked her, but I didn’t want to have the hots for her. It just sounded too messy and complicated. Better she just be my friend, but that was almost impossible, because if you spent time talking to a girl outside of class when you didn’t have to, the other boys would think she was your girlfriend and tease you. And what if Abby WANTED to be my girlfriend, that would be even worse.

So the next day Bond meets that CIA guy Felix Leiter and they go to the British secret agent headquarters on the island. That Q guy is there, who gives Bond all these cool special gadgets and stuff, though Bond doesn’t like him.

Bond: (sees Q) Oh no!

Q: Ah, 007.

Bond: (Sarcastic) What a wonderful surprise!

Q: Well, for me too.

“Q’s great”, said Frankie, “I don’t know why Bond doesn’t like him, he gives him all sorts of cool stuff.”

Q gives Bond a Geiger counter that looks like a watch to check for radiation. An underwater waterproof camera that can take infrared pictures in the dark and also has a Geiger counter to check for radiation. A tiny flare gun. A little tube that you can use to breathe underwater for four minutes and a tiny capsule for Bond to swallow that sends out a homing signal so they can track wherever he is.

So then Bond goes scuba diving under Largo’s yacht and takes pictures with the special camera to show that the ship has doors in the bottom that let people go in and out underwater, but the Geiger counter part says the bombs aren’t there. Largo’s men figure out Bond’s under the ship and try to get him but he escapes underwater while Largo throws handgrenades at him from the boat to try and blow him up, but he gets away.

So Largo invites Bond to come to his compound and Bond goes there. Domino is there swimming wearing a bikini so you can see most of her body. Largo asks Bond to take Domino to the big Junkanoo parade that night. While Bond is there at Largo’ place, Fiona finds Bond’s helper Paula and Fiona and one of Largo’s guys capture her.

When Bond comes back to the parade from Largo’s place, he finds out Paula’s gone missing, so he goes looking for her. He sneaks back into Largo’s place at night and finds that Paula’s in a room in the basement, dead. He’d heard Largo’s doctor guy say she took poison. But Largo’s guys see Bond and sound the alarm, and one of them sneaks up on him by the pool and they start fighting and both fall in. Largo then closes the top part over the pool so Bond and the guy he’s fighting with can’t get out, and opens up the gates to the tunnel between the pools so the sharks can swim from their pool through to the regular swimming pool.

Before the sharks get there, Bond finishes off the guy he was fighting with, uses his little four-minute breathing thing and hides behind the tunnel door when the sharks come through, and then swims through the tunnel the other way to the now empty shark pool. No one knows he’s there, they think he’s being eaten by the sharks but it’s only the other guy he was fighting with, and he manages to get out of the compound even though Largo’s guys are shooting at him.

Then after the parade is done Bond goes back to his hotel room and finds Fiona taking a bath, naked.

“I can’t believe she’s taking a BATH”, Frankie said, “Well, that’s Fiona!”

Fiona: (Acting surprised) Oh!

Bond: (Smiling) Hello!

Fiona: Aren’t you in the wrong room Mr. Bond?

Bond: Not from where I’m standing.

“Hey”, said Frankie, “She’s a beautiful woman even if she’s evil.”

Fiona: Since you are here, would you mind giving me something to put on?

Bond gives her a pair of slippers for her feet. We all laugh louder than I remember laughing at this part the first time I saw it with Billy, Teddy and Gil.

“We want to see you naked, lady!” said Stuart.

Fiona gives Bond a look as he sits comfortably in a chair and puts his feet up and keeps looking at her. She drops the slippers on the floor, and takes the towel out of her long red hair and wraps it around her body as she climbs out of the tub.

Fiona: Anyway, I’m very glad to see you again, Mr. Bond.

Bond: I’m glad to see you again.

Fiona: (Getting out of the tub wrapped in the towel) I had a feeling you’ve been avoiding me.

Bond: Well, you see, I had no idea that we were next-door neighbors.

Fiona: (Still covered by the towel and drying off her shoulders) Oh, they just moved me down this afternoon. It’s extraordinary, isn’t it? Almost as if…

Bond : (Smiling) As if it was intended. Yes, it is extraordinary.

Fiona: Shouldn’t you get out of those wet clothes? You’ll catch your death of cold.

Fiona approaches him just wrapped in her towel and puts her hands on the sides of his chest.

“Moving in for the kill”, Stuart said.

“Are there any women in this movie that aren’t like super sexy?” Frankie asked, chuckling through his nose and shaking his head.

Stuart asked him, “If you HAD to make out with one of the women in the movie, which one would you pick – Domino, Fiona, Moneypenny, or Paula… before she’s dead that is?”

“Hmm”, said Frankie, thinking, “That’s a hard one. And remember that woman in the beginning that Bond made have sex with him because she almost got him killed.”

Okay, I thought, here Frankie and Stuart go again, I’m going to make a choice too. So I said, “If I HAD to make out with one of them I’d choose Paula, because she’s a secret agent too but trying to help me and I know she’s on my team.” This time they didn’t try to embarrass me, which I was happy about.

“That makes sense”, said Frankie, “For Coop at least, he’s a team man. I think I’d pick Fiona. She’s got that red hair and she can ride a motorcycle that shoots rockets and she’s as much of a secret agent as Bond is, she just works for the badguys.”

“Wouldn’t you be afraid she’d get tired of you and kill you?” Stuart asked.

“I said I’d make out with her not MARRY her!” Frankie said, “So what about you… Stu?” Frankie was getting silly. I’d never heard anyone ever call Stuart “Stu”.

“Well I’d go with Domino I guess”, said Stuart, like he was really thinking about it, “She seems really smart and, you know… what’s the word when you’re like smart enough to know what’s really going on and are able to figure out when people are telling you stuff that really isn’t true? I mean she’s the one that saves the day for Bond in that last scene.”

“I SAID make out with her”, said Frankie, “NOT marry her!”

And as we continued talking about it, in the movie, Bond and Fiona were lying in bed together, at least the top parts of their bodies outside of the sheets were naked, but you couldn’t see her breasts.

Fiona: Do you like wild things, Mr. Bond, James Bond?

Bond: (Yanking her arm so she falls on her back on the bed) Wild? YOU should be locked up in a cage. (Starting to kiss her and her hands reach back and grab the curved metal bars of the head of the bed)

Fiona: This bed FEELS like a cage. All these bars. (Her hand reaching up to the top of the metal bars on the head of the bed) Do you think I’ll be safe?

“I don’t think Fiona WANTS to be safe”, said Frankie, chuckling.

But then after they’re done making out in the bed and I guess having sex too, they get all dressed up to go watch the parade. Fiona is spraying hairspray on her long red hair and brushing it.

Fiona: You made a shocking mess out of my hair, you sadistic brute. (Standing and turning her back to Bond) Will you zip me up, please?

Bond: (Zipping her up) No wonder you can get dressed so quickly. On the way we can have a little talk. You may find it interesting. Come on.”

“Yeah we had sex”, said Frankie, pretending he was thinking like Bond, “But back to business you evil bitch.”

“Geez, Frankie”, Stuart said, looking at him, “You’re such a potty mouth.”

“Sorry”, Frankie said, “I’m just trying to think like ‘James Bond, double-O seven’.” He tried to say the name with an English accent.

But when Bond opens the hotel room door, Largo’s guys are out there with guns and now have Bond captured. They open his jacket and pull his gun out of the holster under his shoulder.

Bond: (recovering) Friends of yours, no doubt. Come in!

Fiona: You dress quickly, too. I didn’t see that gun in the mirror.

Bond: Not that it matters, but that was under the pillow all the time.

Fiona: And when did you find out?

Bond: You’re wearing the same ring as Largo.

“Exactly”, said Stuart, “That was pretty stupid.”

Fiona: (Looking at it on her hand) It’s a ring I like to wear.

Bond: Vanity has its dangers.

Fiona: Vanity, Mr. Bond, is something you know so much about.

Bond: (Fiercely) My dear girl, don’t flatter yourself. What I did this evening was for king and country.

Frankie and Stuart did a big laugh at that line, so I did too.

“That’s the best line in the whole movie”, Stuart said, still laughing.

“Yep”, said Frankie, “That’s what he says to all the girls.”

Fiona: (Fiercely as well) But of course! I forget your ego, Mr. Bond. James Bond, who only has to make love to a woman and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing. She repents, then immediately returns to the side of right and virtue. (Walking right up to him) But not this one. (Fixing his tie) What a blow it must have been, you having a failure. (She goes out the hotel room door)

Bond: (Turning to leave under guard now) Well, you can’t win them all.

So now we see the car with Largo’s guys in the front seat with one pointing a gun at Bond who is with Fiona in the back seat. Some drunk guy outside the car sticks an open bottle of alcohol drink in the car window and asks them if they want to buy it. Fiona just happens to have a cigarette lighter lit to light her cigarette so Bond kicks the bottle so the alcohol spills all over the back of the front seat then pushes Fiona’s hand with the lighter against the seat back and it catches on fire. The car fills with smoke and Largo’s guy with the gun catches on fire too and screams. Bond pushes the back door open and rolls out of the car and crawls into the crowd and runs away.

So that Pinder guy finds Bond and takes him into the “Kiss Kiss Club” to hide. Women in little bikinis that barely cover them are dancing and shaking their breasts. But Bond soon sees Largo’s guys looking around for him, so he grabs some woman sitting next to him.

Bond: (Taking her arm) Thank you, I’d love to. (Takes her out on the dance floor)

Woman: (Confused) Love to what? (They start dancing) Oh, you’re mad! Do you know that?

Bond: Yes! Isn’t everyone?

What was great about James Bond was he always figured out the best thing to do and knew exactly the right thing to say like he had everything figured out. And he didn’t even tell lies a lot, just stuff that was kind of really true if you thought about it. I just liked watching him in action and imagining someday being able to figure everything out the same way and say stuff that was so “witty”, that’s the word a lot of grownups used.

So Bond swings around dancing with this woman and Fiona is standing there looking at him.

Fiona: May I cut in?

Woman: (Angry, to Bond) You should’ve told me your wife was here. (Walks away and Bond and Fiona start to dance)

Bond: Do you come here often?

Fiona: It’s no good you trying to escape, Mr. Bond.

Bond: (Dancing with her and looking around seeing Largo’s guys watching them) I don’t want to escape. Strange as it may seem, I’ve grown accustomed to your face.

“Man”, said Stuart, “He’s always SO cool. Don’t you wish you were THAT cool?” Frankie and I both nodded.

“And evil Fiona’s about to get hers!” said Frankie.

Behind the bongo player madly banging on the bongos, we see a hand holding a pistol come out of the curtains. As the bongo playing gets louder Bond sees the gun and somehow swings Fiona around in front of him at just the moment the guy shoots. He gets Fiona in the back instead of Bond. She slumps dead in his arms. He drags her over to a table where other people are sitting and rests her in an empty chair.

Bond: (To them) Do you mind if my friend sits this one out? She’s just dead.

All three of us laughed. That was another great line.

So the next day, Bond and Leiter are back in the helicopter flying over the ocean around Nassau and they finally find the hidden jet bomber under its camouflage net. The helicopter has those big “pontoon” things so they can land on the water. Bond puts on scuba stuff and goes down underwater and looks at the plane, but the bombs aren’t there. The dead pilot, Angelo, is still there in the pilot’s seat in the cockpit and Bond takes the “dog tags” from around his neck that really belonged to Domino’s brother Derval, who’s now dead.

Leiter: Oh, great! Now, what’s our next move?

Bond: We’ll check on the Disco Volante. If the bombs aren’t on board her now, they soon will be.

Leiter: Who are you going to ask? Largo?

Bond: (Looking at dog tags.) No, I don’t think we’ll have to.

“Leiter seems kind of stupid for a secret agent guy”, I said, “He doesn’t seem to ever have any ideas what to do.” Both Frankie and Stuart agreed.

So after they get back to Nassau, Bond finds Domino swimming underwater and they swim up to the surface together and start kissing and making out in the water. Finally when they get to the shore he tells her that Largo had her brother killed by his guys and gives her his dog tags and watch. She, of course, says she’s falling in love with Bond and agrees to help him find out where the bombs are. She takes his special camera with the Geiger counter and will take it on Vargas’ Disco Volante yacht and see if the bombs are there. So while they’re talking, one of Vargas’ guys with a gun is sneaking up on them, but before he can shoot Bond, Bond grabs Domino’s speargun and shoots him in the stomach, dead.

“Yes”, said Stuart, “Domino was out for a nice afternoon swim with her speargun.”

So now came the part of the movie with all the big action scenes, the part that I really liked the most the first few times I saw the movie. Largo and his guys are on shore putting on their scuba stuff to go out to get the bombs, and Bond is hiding and watching. He grabs one of Largo’s guys who’s off on his own, knocks him out, and puts on the guy’s scuba stuff. He swallows that capsule that will let Pinder and Leiter track where he is. With the scuba mask on, Largo and his guys don’t know it’s him, and he swims with the rest of them out to the Disco Volante and they go inside the ship through the doors in the bottom of the boat. Largo says that their target for the bombs is Miami.

Then Bond goes with Largo’s guys and their minisub to get the bomb out of the secret underwater place they are keeping it, but inside that place the main guy of the frogman team figures out Bond is not one of them. One of Largo’s guys fights with Bond while the others leave with the minisub and the bombs. Bond kills the guy fighting with him but the other guys have locked him in the underwater place.

So while Bond is doing all that, Domino is on the Disco Volante trying to use the special camera to see if the bombs are there, but Largo sees her doing it and figures out that she’s working for Bond now. He locks her in her room and says he’s going to torture her, but has to leave to check out the bombs, which have just come back from the secret place they were kept in.

Bond figures out how to get to the surface above the underwater secret cave and sees Leiter and Pinder in the helicopter and shoots off his little flare gun so they see him. They lower a cable from the helicopter to lift Bond out. He tells them to radio headquarters that the target is Miami and where the bombs are now.

Bond: Get your radio man onto Orlando Beach. Warn them the target is Miami! Also, the bombs are transferred from the Disco Volante onto a wreck off Fowley Point!

Soon there is a big plane in the sky above the Disco Volante and all the goodguys in scuba suits, spearguns and parachutes are jumping out and parachuting down into the water. They find Largo’s guys swimming underwater with the bombs and there’s a big battle between the two sides, Largo’s guys in black suits and the goodguys in orange suits. Lots of guys on both sides are shooting and getting shot with spears. With Bond’s help, the goodguys of course win and they recapture the atomic bombs.

“Badguys ALWAYS wear black”, said Frankie.

“Yeah”, said Stuart, “I guess that’s the rule so you can always tell them apart from the goodguys.”

But Largo and a few of his guys escape in the minisub back to the Disco Volante, with Bond following them using that tiny underwater motor thing that Q gave him. When the others go inside the boat, Bond stays underwater but hangs onto the boat. He manages to climb on board while the Disco Volante speeds up, but it is now being chased by the goodguy ships, one even is like a destroyer with big ship guns.

Largo tells his guy controlling the Disco Volante to separate the front part of the ship from the back. The back part stays behind to fight the goodguy ships, but pretty soon the destroyer blows them up. The front part has those “hydrofoil” things on the bottom which let the boat go super fast, and it starts to get away. Largo and the guy driving the ship are in the “bridge”.

Largo: We got away from them.

Crew guy: We’ve still got one bomb aboard.

So that Kutze guy, who’s a doctor that works for Largo but really likes Domino, gets into her cabin and unties her and tells her to please stop Largo.

Kutze: (To Domino) The bomb cannot be exploded now. I threw the arming device into the sea. Do you understand?

Domino: Yes.

Bond somehow hangs on to one of the hydrofoils and climbs up onto that speeding front part of the Disco Volante. He sneaks into the “bridge” where Largo is now driving the boat. The crew guys on the bridge fight with Bond but he knocks them out and throws them off the ship. He continues to fight with Largo while also trying to steer the ship away from rocks. But finally Largo knocks him to the floor and pulls out a gun.

He’s about to shoot Bond when we hear a speargun shoot him in the back. As Largo falls down, we see Domino behind him with a speargun.

Domino: I’m glad I killed him.

Bond: YOUR glad!

So they can’t slow the boat down so Bond, Domino and that Kutze guy that helped her all have to jump off the side of the boat into the water. The boat crashes into the rocks and blows up. A big bomber type plane flies low over the ocean and drops a liferaft that Bond and Domino swim to and climb on.

“What happened to that other Kutze guy?” said Stuart.

“I don’t think he matters”, said Frankie.

“Well”, said Stuart, “He’s the one that threw away the detonator so Largo couldn’t blow up the atomic bomb.”

“Yeah”, said Frankie, “I guess.”

Bond hooks his body to this special gadget and then pushes a button that inflates this helium balloon that goes way up in the air. He holds Domino as the plane flies overhead and grabs the balloon and the cable and lifts Bond and Domino up in the air as the James Bond music plays and it’s the end of the movie.

“So James Bond and Domino probably go somewhere to make out”, said Frankie, “And they all live happily ever after.”

“Well”, said Stuart, looking at me and grinning, “Except for most everybody else who’s dead.”

All the music and the names of all the people that worked on the movie finished and the regular lights in the theater came up.

“One more time?” asked Frankie. Stuart nodded. I think if I was there at the theater by myself I wouldn’t see it again. I just kept thinking about Mike calling it a “nasty” movie. I mean it was also super exciting, but what in the movie did I really want to watch again.

But I really wanted Frankie and Stuart, all my friends really, to think that I liked the same things they did as much as they did. So I nodded my head, but still thought about all the nasty stuff, specially all the nasty stuff that Bond did, and all the people he killed, to win in the end for the goodguys, and I guess save, along with that Kutze guy, all those people in Miami from getting blown up by an atomic bomb.

But watching it the SEVENTH time, something else came into my mind really strong, mom might say “it hit me”, that this movie was all about grownups. There weren’t any kids in the movie, not even older kids. This was the grownups’ world, their teams of goodguys and badguys. And even their goodguys did bad stuff. Some of it they figured they had to do to beat the badguys who were doing way more bad stuff. But some of it was just to have their grownup fun making out with and having sex with women.

When us kids were finally in charge, our world would be different. We wouldn’t have to have all those goodguys and badguys. We wouldn’t do bad stuff just to have fun. It felt good to think that, though I wasn’t sure how we could actually do it.